The Highlight of my Weekend

I went to the Loft on Saturday night. I was having a good time, but the club was a little quiet. Then I started getting texts from the guy I'd met there a couple of times. He'd had a couple of drinks, he said, so he couldn't drive to the club, but he really wanted to see me so I decided to drive round. He lives in Lowestoft, about half an hour away from Norwich. I didn't know the area so I told him to text me directions.

He texted me his house number and street.

I texted back to say "I'll need directions, I don't know Lowestoft."

He texted directions on how to leave Norwich towards Lowestoft, and said "if you get lost, just ring".

So I guessed that he must be really easy to find in Lowestoft, as he'd sent no directions to his actual house.

So I drove across and got to Lowestoft pretty quickly, kept to the main road looking for his street. When I'd driven right through with no sign of the street, I rang him.

"Oh, no I was expecting you to ring when you got here," he said.

In other words, he was expecting me to get lost.

So I drove back through Lowestoft, talking on the hands-free.

"Where do I turn off?"

"What can you see?"

"The Lion pub"

"Ah... you're just a few minutes away."

"Which way do I go?"

"Let me think..."

"I've just gone over a double roundabout."

"Hmm... a double roundabout?"

"Yeah, you know. Two roundabouts next to each other. Which way?"

"I don't know. I don't think I've ever seen double roundabout. Where are you now."

"I've gone over the roundabout and I'm outside Tesco's."

"AH! Go back to the double roundabout. You're only minutes away."

"So the double roundabout you don't know about is right near your house?"

"Yes."

"Are you drunk?"

"No."

"Which way do I turn?"

"Head left up the bypass... you should go over some traffic lights."

"Yep."

"Right you should be coming up to another roundabout. Take the second left. Not the first left."

"There's only two exits from this roundabout. One goes straight on, one goes right."

"Ah. Er. Take the second left."

"So you mean go right?"

"Yes."

"Are you drunk?"

"No! Where are you?"

"I'm driving past a garage."

"A garage?"

"A car garage."

"A car garage. Hmmm...."

"Yes. Which way?"

"Trying to think where you are."

"I've just passed the Fisherman pub."

"Ah! You're a couple of minutes away. You've gone the wrong way."

"But this is the way you told me to go!!"

"Turn back the other way."

"Okay, I'm passing the pub again."

"Can you see a post office?"

"Yes!"

"Keep going. Can you see a fish and chip shop?"

"Yes!"

"You're so close! Keep going to the roundabout."

"Which way at the roundabout?"

"Um...."

"Well there's only one way I didn't go the last time."

"Go that way."

"Okay. Where to now?"

"What can you see?"

"Oh for God's sake! Just tell me what ROAD to take!! You must know where you live?!"

"You're seconds away! I'm thinking..."

"Are you drunk?"

"NO!"

"Are you a bit stupid?"

"Er... What can you see?"

"I'm coming up to another roundabout."

"A roundabout? There isn't a roundabout there."

"**** this!!"

I went home. It was a long drive.