Really Big Things
I hope that that the old Routemaster (the classic "Red London Bus") never completely dies out, for one reason: what else would journalists use to measure Really Big Things?
I was reading an article today that described the new A380 passenger aircraft as "as long as seven Routemasters laid end-to-end". It also has a wingspan "wider than a football pitch", another favorite unit of measurement for the journalist.
In fact, they seem to have their own set of SI units, among others:
The Routemaster - for Really Long Things
The Football Pitch - for Really Wide Things (or Really Big Areas)
The Storey - for Really Tall Things
I used to think of it as an insult to my intelligence when they used these terms. I know how high 24 metres is. I don't need to be told it's "over 6 stories high!"
But then I realised that journalists are incapable of talking in normal weights and measures, due to some kind of mental re-conditioning they get at Journalist School.
Living with these people must be exceptionally hard.
"How far is it, Dad?"
"About a mile, or nearly 391 Routemaster buses placed end to end!"
"How much milk would you like in your coffee?"
"Ohh, just one 5 billionth of an Olympic Swimming Pool's worth, please."
"What size inside leg is Sir?"
"32 inches, that's the equivalent to a trip to the moon and back 0.00000000105659101 times!!"
I was reading an article today that described the new A380 passenger aircraft as "as long as seven Routemasters laid end-to-end". It also has a wingspan "wider than a football pitch", another favorite unit of measurement for the journalist.
In fact, they seem to have their own set of SI units, among others:
The Routemaster - for Really Long Things
The Football Pitch - for Really Wide Things (or Really Big Areas)
The Storey - for Really Tall Things
I used to think of it as an insult to my intelligence when they used these terms. I know how high 24 metres is. I don't need to be told it's "over 6 stories high!"
But then I realised that journalists are incapable of talking in normal weights and measures, due to some kind of mental re-conditioning they get at Journalist School.
Living with these people must be exceptionally hard.
"How far is it, Dad?"
"About a mile, or nearly 391 Routemaster buses placed end to end!"
"How much milk would you like in your coffee?"
"Ohh, just one 5 billionth of an Olympic Swimming Pool's worth, please."
"What size inside leg is Sir?"
"32 inches, that's the equivalent to a trip to the moon and back 0.00000000105659101 times!!"
How far is it? - "About 10 minutes that way..."
...and lengths in football fields:
How long is that thing?? - "Nearly two football fields!"
And another thing...
Have you noticed how journalists like to lay things 'end to end? If all the Mars Bars produced in a week were laid end to end they'd stretch to Cardiff/Melbourne/ Saturn or Go Round the World 3/5/19 times etc etc?
Large weights, measured in elephants.
Medium weights, measures in "average family cars"
Really long things measured as the number of times they would strech from Lands' End to John-)-Groats.
Small things measured in a postage stamps, (because they are all obviously all same size.)
Very small things designated by how many you can fit on a pin head.
The measuremant that annoys me most is one for the budget , "The adverage person". A measurement thet is normally 2 times higher than the "Normal person"
Good news though, we gave the system of emperical measures to the Americans & they still use them.
(No offence Kath & any other US Citizens).
Short Distance (300-400km) - Half way to the black stump
Long distances (400-1200km) - 'bout as far as the black stump.
Really long distances (1200++km) - Wave to the black stump as you pass....
Intelligence is usually measured in the number of Collingwood Football Club Members.... "You're so dumb, bloody hell if the MCG was filled with Collingwood members, collectively they would almost be as smart as you."
You never mentioned my personal favourite speed measure of furlongs /fortnight.
"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end... I wouldn't be a bit surprised"
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