My Long Weekend
Some highlights...
On Friday Jane and I went to Cambridge to do a bit of shopping. Whilst browsing the sale racks in Debenam's, a smoothly-spoken announcement came over the tannoy:
"Ladies and gentlemen. Today we are giving away a free paring knife in the store. If you'd like a free paring knife, please come to the covered display in the cook shop on the first floor."
I asked Jane, "Do you want a paring knife?"
"No."
We continued to browse.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the free paring knives will be given away in just one minute. If you'd like a free paring knife, please come to the covered display in the cook shop on the first floor."
"I want a paring knife. I'm going."
"Fair enough. I'm staying here."
To be honest I think she was glad to get rid of me. I was starting to do my impression of a small bored child in a shop. If you want to visualise it, imagine an grown man acting like a small bored child in a shop.
A small expectant crowd of unemployables and pensioners were gathering around the table. After a few moments a man appeared and started talking about wonderous things.
Then some magic happened.
When my head cleared I appeared to be the proud owner of a set 3 of the World's
Sharpest Knives Ever. Trust me, these bad boys are sharp. He cut through a hammer with one! Well, not right through, but he made a nasty dent in it. If I ever need to score a mark in a hammer whilst carving tomatoes, I now have just the tool to do so. I also have 3 of the World's Smallest Juicers (they're also the World's Shittest Juicers but they choose not to promote this fact, and I'm not complaining - they were free), and of course, my free paring knife.
We then bombed up to Nottinghamshire to spend a highly enjoyable evening catching up with my friends Julie and Rich. Jane had a bad cold, but liberal amounts of medicinal alcohol kept her going.
Next morning I was introduced to the "Would You Rather?" game by R&J's young daughter. Basically it's a test of nerve and scruples. You're offered two choices and you must pick one. For example: "Would you rather... kiss 10 boys or kiss 10 dirty pig snouts?"
Spirits boosted by their hospitality we headed off to Sophie's Barbecue. It being her birthday some present-giving was involved. She's now also the owner of a World's Shapest Knife (yes, I am that generous).
She got some other cool presents too, Rich gave her a framed version of this:
Which you might recognise from a previous soirée at Sophie's, where she came dressed like this:
Sunday was mainly tidying up, slobbing around and watching The Mighty Boosh on DVD.
Monday was mainly travelling home, and me getting Jane's cold. Which of course has mutated into Man Flu. Blegh.
On Friday Jane and I went to Cambridge to do a bit of shopping. Whilst browsing the sale racks in Debenam's, a smoothly-spoken announcement came over the tannoy:
"Ladies and gentlemen. Today we are giving away a free paring knife in the store. If you'd like a free paring knife, please come to the covered display in the cook shop on the first floor."
I asked Jane, "Do you want a paring knife?"
"No."
We continued to browse.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the free paring knives will be given away in just one minute. If you'd like a free paring knife, please come to the covered display in the cook shop on the first floor."
"I want a paring knife. I'm going."
"Fair enough. I'm staying here."
To be honest I think she was glad to get rid of me. I was starting to do my impression of a small bored child in a shop. If you want to visualise it, imagine an grown man acting like a small bored child in a shop.
A small expectant crowd of unemployables and pensioners were gathering around the table. After a few moments a man appeared and started talking about wonderous things.
Then some magic happened.
When my head cleared I appeared to be the proud owner of a set 3 of the World's
Sharpest Knives Ever. Trust me, these bad boys are sharp. He cut through a hammer with one! Well, not right through, but he made a nasty dent in it. If I ever need to score a mark in a hammer whilst carving tomatoes, I now have just the tool to do so. I also have 3 of the World's Smallest Juicers (they're also the World's Shittest Juicers but they choose not to promote this fact, and I'm not complaining - they were free), and of course, my free paring knife.
We then bombed up to Nottinghamshire to spend a highly enjoyable evening catching up with my friends Julie and Rich. Jane had a bad cold, but liberal amounts of medicinal alcohol kept her going.
Next morning I was introduced to the "Would You Rather?" game by R&J's young daughter. Basically it's a test of nerve and scruples. You're offered two choices and you must pick one. For example: "Would you rather... kiss 10 boys or kiss 10 dirty pig snouts?"
Spirits boosted by their hospitality we headed off to Sophie's Barbecue. It being her birthday some present-giving was involved. She's now also the owner of a World's Shapest Knife (yes, I am that generous).
She got some other cool presents too, Rich gave her a framed version of this:
Which you might recognise from a previous soirée at Sophie's, where she came dressed like this:
Sunday was mainly tidying up, slobbing around and watching The Mighty Boosh on DVD.
Monday was mainly travelling home, and me getting Jane's cold. Which of course has mutated into Man Flu. Blegh.
Labels: jane
and lucky you with the free knives thing, the last free thing i got was a packet of m&m's, which was ok but not quite in the same league as juicers and knives.
Funnily enough i met Julian Barratt ( the moustached one from the mighty boosh ) at Brighton Station the other day! he was very lovely and very very nice :)
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