To Agnes, Thanks for Watching! Love, Thomas xxx

So I was wandering around Woolworths on my lunch hour, when a smartly-dressed middle aged woman stopped me and asked, very politely, 'Excuse me... Thomas the Tank Engine?'.

After a few seconds utter mindbending confusion, I realised she'd seen my name badge and short-sleeved shirt, had mistaken me for a shop assistant (even though they wear natty red polo shirts), and wanted directing to the section of the shop devoted to the fictional anthropomorphic tank locomotive.

I said 'I'm sorry... I don't work here.'

Of course on the way back to work I thought of all the things I could have said, if my wits had been a bit quicker.

Favorites include:

'Get out of the shop, we don't like your sort in here.'

'Yes love, go to the DVD counter and ask for "The Special Items".'

'Oh... you got me! Gah, I knew I should never have done those TV shows! Do you want me to sign something?'

I related this to the guys in the office and it was suggested I could change the last one to 'Do you want me to sign your tits?', but I think that might have been taking it a tad too far.