Heavenly bodies

For a while now, the rhythmic nature of tranny behaviour has fascinated me. The way the trannies seems to ebb and flow in their levels of "tranniness" and visibility over time. I've slowly worked this up into a new theory.

If you've been collecting my theories, this one can be filed with the others in my Overwrought Analogy series, along with "Trannies are like Snowflakes", and "Trannies are Like Gases". When I get five theories I'm going to present them all as a series of Christmas Lectures. You have been warned.

Trannies are like heavenly bodies. They orbit around a sun that - if you'll permit me a certain about of sickliness in my theory - we'll call "Femininity". The Femininity Sun warms all the bodies around it with a girlish glow, and the closer you are, the girlier you get.

Some trannies are comets. They fly in from the cold depths of space, swing perilously close to the sun (briefly becoming the most spectacular thing in the night sky) and then head out again into interstellar obscurity.

Usually the orbit is an ellipsis. No matter how far away the comet gets, it feels the gentle pull of gravity and is doomed to repeat it's flirtations with the sun.

Sometimes the orbit is hyperbolic, the comet is seen once but never comes back again.

Some trannies are planets. They find an orbit that's just the right distance from the sun, and steadily follow it. The hot inner planets are analogous to the "full timers", the outer planets are less obvious or open, but are still warmed by the sun's rays.

Even the Planetary Trannies aren't on entirely circular orbits. Sometimes they get closer, and the influence of the sun grows stronger. Sometimes they're venturing out into cooler climes.

I'm somewhere between a Planetary Tranny and a Cometary Tranny, I think. My orbit is more elliptical than many. I occasionally get so far in as to skim the asteroid belt of the "Tranny Scene", but I also spend long periods out at the edges of the system.

I can think of good examples of "inner planet" trannies, and several "outer planet" ones too. The internet is my observatory, allowing me to look out and see where my friends are in their orbits.

But the ones that really interest me are the cometary trannies. Especially when they disappear completely off the scope.

I'm not sure if the fact that I always expect them to come back shows that I'm ever-hopeful, or just overly cynical.

Tranny and TV are still on holiday.