Why
I was asked it again tonight. By a twenty two year old straight girl who'd just been dumped by her boyfriend and was "off men".
"Why do you do it?"
It's not a question I can even attempt to answer when I'm sober.
But at the moment I'm gloriously drunk and about 2 hours ago I had one of those moments. A moment where something clicks, something engages in my brain, something falls into place, something makes a connection, something in my hindbrain says:
"This is why, Simon. Remember this."
It's not a religious experience. But I imagine that maybe that's what religious experiences are like.
Put it this way: if I ever had a religious experience I'd want it to be like that. A moment of total clarity that lasts for a brief time and then...
I awake, clutching desperately at slippery gobbets of meaning as they skitter giggling into the shadows.
...
Why?
Because Becky isn't Simon. Because Becky can engage with people when Simon can't. Because I've been given a small portion of "me" that's not me.
"I can't imagine you ever being a man", she said.
"Neither can I", said Becky, in my mind.
"I'm a man 99% of the time," said Simon, out loud.
And then there was dancing. And getting the meaning of songs. And more dancing. Not with anyone in particular, just with people who didn't know who Simon was and didn't care.
One of the gobbets of meaning is still here, squirming unconfortably in the daylight of sober reason. I think it says:
"It's a joyous thing, to have a real-life avatar. Many people make do with avatars that exist on another plane. Most people don't get an avatar at all."
...
Enjoy this post. I might delete it tomorrow.
...
"Why do you do it?"
So people can ask me why.
"Why do you do it?"
It's not a question I can even attempt to answer when I'm sober.
But at the moment I'm gloriously drunk and about 2 hours ago I had one of those moments. A moment where something clicks, something engages in my brain, something falls into place, something makes a connection, something in my hindbrain says:
"This is why, Simon. Remember this."
It's not a religious experience. But I imagine that maybe that's what religious experiences are like.
Put it this way: if I ever had a religious experience I'd want it to be like that. A moment of total clarity that lasts for a brief time and then...
I awake, clutching desperately at slippery gobbets of meaning as they skitter giggling into the shadows.
...
Why?
Because Becky isn't Simon. Because Becky can engage with people when Simon can't. Because I've been given a small portion of "me" that's not me.
"I can't imagine you ever being a man", she said.
"Neither can I", said Becky, in my mind.
"I'm a man 99% of the time," said Simon, out loud.
And then there was dancing. And getting the meaning of songs. And more dancing. Not with anyone in particular, just with people who didn't know who Simon was and didn't care.
One of the gobbets of meaning is still here, squirming unconfortably in the daylight of sober reason. I think it says:
"It's a joyous thing, to have a real-life avatar. Many people make do with avatars that exist on another plane. Most people don't get an avatar at all."
...
Enjoy this post. I might delete it tomorrow.
...
"Why do you do it?"
So people can ask me why.
Labels: transvestism
And more than slightly pished :)
Who wrote that???
They should make "drunk in charge of a blog" a criminal offence.
But then the Tranniefesto would be blank.....
I enjoyed the post. It's honest. I know what you are trying to say and I agree with it.
10/10. Keep it up.
*scribbles notes to nick that "real life avatar" concept*
Sometimes it's pretty cool to be a tranny. Thanks Becky.
this means so much and is so true
And it saves ME asking the same question sometime.
Hey, as long as YOU are happy.
As reading your post did.
You should BWI more often, I say...
Nice!
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