Making history

There can be little doubt that transvestism has had a huge impact on the world. Transvestites have excelled in every sphere of human endeavor, from arts and entertainment through to politics and technology.

But many of the biggest questions have yet to be answered fully. Where did transvestism come from? When did it start? Who started it, and more importantly, why?

To answer these questions, and many more, I have begun my greatest endeavour ever on this web site. To tell no less than the complete and utter history of transvestism in the world. To lay out the grand arc of transvestite influence over the ages.

Without further ado, I give you:



1200Ma (Million years ago) to 450Ma - The beginnings of transvestism

One area that has been avoided by the Intelligent Design debate is the evolution of transvestism. This is mainly because no-one is prepared to admit that the design of transvestites is in any way intelligent. This means that theories surrounding the origins of transvestism are almost exclusively evolutionary.

Fig. 1: Paramecium Brancastrium.
Female (a), Male (b) , and Male Pretending to be Female (c).

What is known is that at some time in the distant past, primitive organisms began to differentiate sexually, possibly to increase the amount of genetic mixing within species, or possibly to give themselves something to bitch about. Shortly after this time some of the newly male organisms realised they'd been drawn the short genetic straw and demanded a recount. Thus transvestism was born.

It should be noted that during this time the Earth was highly hostile to transvestite life. The planet was spinning much faster than it does today. Nights were only 9 hours long, making it almost impossible to get ready in the dark.

450Ma to 250Ma - On to Land

Fossilised footprints of the first land animals. Note (b) was clearly wearing overly high stilettos.

The arthropods become the first creatures to move onto land, mainly to get a bit of peace and quiet. They were closely followed by the marthropods, who came to see what the arthropods were up to.

Palaeontologists studying the fossil record have discovered a third species somewhere between these two, which displays traits of both. They've tentatively named these "Neither-arthr-or-marthr-opods".

250Ma to 65Ma - The Dinosaurs

The explosion of life onto land resulted in an "evolutionary arms race" amongst transgendered species to come up with the girliest body modifications.

The dinosaurs took an early lead with fripperies such as frills that ran the entire length of the body, and some early experiments with feathers. Then the mammals trounced them by inventing boobies, which depressed the dinosaurs so much that they died out.

It was also about this time that the Y chromosome was invented, it seemed like a good idea at the time.