Vaportrannies II
Dammit, maybe I should think things through a little more before I blog them sometimes. I blame in part the strident mood I'm still in after the "Shrek 3 Indoctrination" episode, I was a bit too black and white about the whole thing, for which I apologise.
In a way, I was following on from my recent "Versions" post. The point I was trying to make (albeit badly) was that some trannies never get to the equivalent of my "1.0", i.e. actually getting out of the door "en-femme".
But one tranny's 1.0 is another tranny's 0.5, or as Jayne put it:
We all have this thing inside us to different levels, some need to express it more than others. We also all have different personal situations, so some of us are more able to express it than others. As Kat says:
That's not to say that all trannies who end being "selfish" about their need to dress have really any choice in the matter. It's a sad fact that because of the varying levels of transgenderism, and the varying types of environment in which transgendered people find themselves, there's always going to be an element of "hard luck" involved.
Every one of us are given two dice, red a blue.
Roll the red dice, that's your tranny score. The number represents the level of transgender expression at which you'll be happy.
Roll the blue dice, that's your environment score. The number represents the level of transgenderism you can express in your situation without problems.
If red is less than or equal to blue, well done! You've won the tranny lottery, you can be just as much of a girl as you want to be.
If red is more than blue, hard cheese. You want more than you can do without changing your lifestyle. You're either going to have to compromise or do things that will hurt those around you.
Some people roll low on both scores, they can't get away with much but they don't want much anyway. Maybe just chatting with other trannies online, or maybe a girly avatar in some online forum, is enough for them. That's fine, I don't have any problem with that.
The kind of person I was describing as a "vaportranny" are the ones that constantly profess to wanting to go so much further than they have, when actually they're happier where they are.
Look at it this way, if I were to say "I really want to live full time as a woman but my work/home life doesn't allow me to", some trannies who are living full time would quite rightly point out that they were in exactly the same situation and had to make some painful choices to get where they were.
In the same way I get annoyed when I hear closeted trannies bemoan the fact that they can never get further than they are because of their wife/overall manliness/work situation/whatever. The fact is, if they needed to do more, they would. They're just using those things as excuses to maintain a status quo that they're actually quite happy with.
Spot the difference between these two sentences:
Far too often I see trannies slip into language like the first example, blaming outside factors for the situation they find themselves in. When really they should be proud that they are able to moderate their activities to fit in with other things that they find important, and also thankful that they don't have the overriding urge that some trannies are cursed (or blessed?) with that forces them to ride roughshod over other's feelings to achieve their aims.
Another two sentences:
The bottom line is if you need to go out you do it anyway. You do it if you've got size 14 feet, or if you duck to get through doors, or (like me) your tummy needs a little help to stop it sticking out further than your fake boobs.
Why is all this important? Because I worry that "new" trannies come online and find forums full of trannies bemoaning the fact that they're "trapped" in situations beyond their control, and they think that moaning is what trannies do. When actually we should all be trying to show how we're all making the best of the cards we were dealt (or to keep the earlier analogy, the dice we were rolled) and take responsibility for, and be proud of, the decisions we've made.
In a way, I was following on from my recent "Versions" post. The point I was trying to make (albeit badly) was that some trannies never get to the equivalent of my "1.0", i.e. actually getting out of the door "en-femme".
But one tranny's 1.0 is another tranny's 0.5, or as Jayne put it:
"I could maybe argue that your are not really going for it, unless you have your man bits cut off like what I did!"Which of course is true, I'd be mad to argue that there's a "right way" to be a tranny, and I'd be even madder to suggest that I was doing it the right way.
We all have this thing inside us to different levels, some need to express it more than others. We also all have different personal situations, so some of us are more able to express it than others. As Kat says:
"Maybe it is enough for someone to live out a fantasy online and manage to hold things together - like a family, marriage."Exactly. I hope that I've not given the impression that I think "dressing up" is the be-all and end-all, it's not. Everyone has to make their transgenderism "fit" in the best way possible with their other aspirations and the needs of the people they care about. I'm far more admiring of the tranny who curbs their dressing to avoid hurting others than I am of the tranny who selfishly puts their own needs first above all other things.
That's not to say that all trannies who end being "selfish" about their need to dress have really any choice in the matter. It's a sad fact that because of the varying levels of transgenderism, and the varying types of environment in which transgendered people find themselves, there's always going to be an element of "hard luck" involved.
Every one of us are given two dice, red a blue.
Roll the red dice, that's your tranny score. The number represents the level of transgender expression at which you'll be happy.
Roll the blue dice, that's your environment score. The number represents the level of transgenderism you can express in your situation without problems.
If red is less than or equal to blue, well done! You've won the tranny lottery, you can be just as much of a girl as you want to be.
If red is more than blue, hard cheese. You want more than you can do without changing your lifestyle. You're either going to have to compromise or do things that will hurt those around you.
Some people roll low on both scores, they can't get away with much but they don't want much anyway. Maybe just chatting with other trannies online, or maybe a girly avatar in some online forum, is enough for them. That's fine, I don't have any problem with that.
The kind of person I was describing as a "vaportranny" are the ones that constantly profess to wanting to go so much further than they have, when actually they're happier where they are.
Look at it this way, if I were to say "I really want to live full time as a woman but my work/home life doesn't allow me to", some trannies who are living full time would quite rightly point out that they were in exactly the same situation and had to make some painful choices to get where they were.
In the same way I get annoyed when I hear closeted trannies bemoan the fact that they can never get further than they are because of their wife/overall manliness/work situation/whatever. The fact is, if they needed to do more, they would. They're just using those things as excuses to maintain a status quo that they're actually quite happy with.
Spot the difference between these two sentences:
"I wish I could dress up, but my wife hates it."They both say basically the same thing, but the first one demonises the wife and places the blame for the decision on her shoulders, whereas the second one shows someone taking responsibility for their own choices, and shows that the reason they're not dressing is because they value the relationship with their partner.
"My wife's wishes are important to me, so I choose not to dress up."
Far too often I see trannies slip into language like the first example, blaming outside factors for the situation they find themselves in. When really they should be proud that they are able to moderate their activities to fit in with other things that they find important, and also thankful that they don't have the overriding urge that some trannies are cursed (or blessed?) with that forces them to ride roughshod over other's feelings to achieve their aims.
Another two sentences:
"I could never go out... because I don't pass."Again they both say basically the same thing, but the second one is being honest about the reason you don't go out, rather than using the inability to pass as an excuse not to go out.
"I don't go out... because I wouldn't be happy dressing in public unless I passed."
The bottom line is if you need to go out you do it anyway. You do it if you've got size 14 feet, or if you duck to get through doors, or (like me) your tummy needs a little help to stop it sticking out further than your fake boobs.
Why is all this important? Because I worry that "new" trannies come online and find forums full of trannies bemoaning the fact that they're "trapped" in situations beyond their control, and they think that moaning is what trannies do. When actually we should all be trying to show how we're all making the best of the cards we were dealt (or to keep the earlier analogy, the dice we were rolled) and take responsibility for, and be proud of, the decisions we've made.
Like a school playground, there is some peer pressure in the online tranny community, and perhaps some of the Vapourtrannies feel that peer pressure to say the "right" things in front of the group in order to fit in better.
Just before I retired as Natalie, I remember too many times in the Angels chat room where I felt under seige by a core group of trannies...see if any of these statements ring a bell:
"I used to think like you, that I'll never transition, but you don't know what's going to happen down the line and what Portia, Denise, Davina, VickiMichelleDanni and SexySuz said to me was true...release the inner woman and now my breasts are coming along fine"
"Not been to Transmission? You NEED to go. I mean, you're not really doing it right if you don't have the desire to go out..."
"No such thing as a straight tranny, you're deluding yourself hon"
"Went shopping today for new shoes and some dresses...went to Dotty P's en femme and although there were a few glances, it was important for me to do."
These things are often said in a tone that could be interpreted as a "dare". Someone's upped the ante and they often forget that others can't or don't want to follow in their steps. I got fed up with 90% of the online tranny scene because a) I fell out of love with trannying and b) the "one size fits all" mentality of the loudest trannies.
The fact I still visit here says a lot about how much I respect and like the boss around here.
Reading today's post I guess you'd consider that to be just two low rolls of the dice?
There's nothing wrong with being "mildly" transgendered and acting accordingly, maybe just wearing the underwear or an item or two of clothing.
That's what I used to back in the day, and I apologise if the opinion I appeared to give in the previous was that there was something wrong with it. :-)
When I rolled them dice I kind of hit it hard. It really hurt me to see that I hurt my family so much, but as my therapist pointed out, sometimes you have to be selfish to survive.
The best bit of it though is not the who did what better, it is the sense of community I have got from places like this.
Becky, I wish I had half of your beauty and I bet many other girls here feel some of that too, but in a funny way, you helped me make my transition. I don't really mind if you are a sit at home "net" tranny or a full on Trans rights activist, you still inspired me to be myself with your gentle humour and quirky outlook. Thank you.
Damn, this not supposed to be a soppy post, I wanted a rant about freedom of personal expression... ;-)
Incidently there was an article on happiness in Psychologies magazine... the quote "it's what you don't have, yet yearn for, is what makes you unhappy" lept out at me. If I take a step back and think what my life (and trans-life if you will) is, I'm actually very lucky.
The dice thing is a good analogy. A case of supply vs demand perhaps? I'm trying to think what gaming system had two dice like that... damn these closet role-player urges. :)
As to the 'HPW' tag or semi-dressing even, I think it's rude to look down on folk who want to express or explore things that way. I don't think any of us dressed up one day and got 'the look' down pat. It takes time and practice.
In fact seven months later it still really hurts.
Quick tip, really don't get them cut off unless you really need it! Eek...
> to describe the people who ...
That'll be me not being up to speed on every term. I had inferred the meaning when I had read it and as such thought it applied more widely (e.g. to wearing skirts without shaving ones legs - because one doesn't have the need to pass but still sees a skirt in a shop window and instinctively thinks "That's gorgeous, I've got to by that").
My misunderstanding there.
> And I apologise if the opinion I
> appeared to give in the previous
> ...
No apology necessary as I read both today's and yesterday's posts together and the dice analogy is a good one.
In another line of thought
you say
Because I worry that "new" trannies come online and find forums full of trannies bemoaning the fact that they're "trapped" in situations beyond their control, and they think that moaning is what trannies do.
but new trannies sometimes are in that situation.
Plus, I find more scaring the forums that are all everything is perfect when going out, be open, and as one of the previous commenters said, one mentallity fits all.
I was curious how Becky's point would be taken; for one thing, I think she has a point: there are some for whom being a crossdresser is something that they aren't serious about. It's not "wrong", it's just yet another facet of being. (For them, I hasten to add!)
There are those who won't meet anyone, dressed or not. Sometimes it's because they're not ready, other times it's simply because they're not "serious" about "it" (whatever "it" is). I can't point to any one individual and say "they're not serious about being a crossdresser!"; likewise, no transsexual is ever going to tell me that I'm not serious about crossdressing because I won't acknowledge "what I really want", or some other such nonsense.
It's sort of like the guy who hangs around gay bars, but steadfastly maintains he's not gay. Why's he hanging about the gay bar, then?
Personally, and I know this is not going to be taken well, I thought the responses to Becky's initial post were less than understanding. Becky had a point, and to be shouted down simply because "you" didn't agree? I'm not convinced anyone really took the time to understand Becky's point. (Hang on a minute: I've got some bric-a-brac to avoid...)
Why do I think that? Because I didn't read anything but outrage against Becky. An automatic defense of the self, not a consideration of the motives of others. Becky does have a point about this.
And I thought the clarification and retreat from the original point not necessary in the slightest.
Carolyn Ann
In the dictionary meaning I am a TV (I wear skirts etc) and yet I wouldn't consider myself a trannie because I don't associate it with "dressing as a woman" just with not seeing why clothing has to have two categories.
I didn't always have this clarity in my mind though: a ex-girlfriend was convinced that I would want to more than just wear skirts at home, that I would want to go outside, that I'd want to pass, that I'd want to be a woman. I tried to explain that she was wrong, that that wasn't the reason I liked skirts. Yet she was sure she was right and that left doubt in my own mind: maybe I was deluding myself, maybe there was an "Emily" I was surpressing. Since it was about that time I first wore a skirt outside I began to think that maybe this was the first step on a long road.
Therefore I read blogs (thought didn't post) and thought about things and I even went to that shop near Euston station, London. That, however, was a turning point as I then realised that this wasn't me, the ex-girlfriend was definitely wrong, I wear skirts not because I "want to be a woman" but because I have a wider than usual taste in clothes - though knee-length skirts and knee-high boots seem to feature rather a lot ;-)
I therefore wonder if this might explain some of the vapour-trannies; perhaps they think or are told their desires must mean more than they admit, so they go on-line, join communities, post a lot, push the envelope, before finally finding their level and disappearing from the "scene" (I use quotes because I not sure I like that word).
Like I said this was a thought at 5am so appologies if it is just waffle.
Erm, I would say that Becky and I were using the same metaphor to different ends. I was referring to the conservative belief in biological/social determinism which holds that "the cards we are dealt with" are dealt just once (at the beginning of our lives). Becky, on the other hand, was comparing, it seems to me, one's current situation to a hand of cards - a hand which one is in the process of playing and which once played will lead to a new hand being dealt. One way of using the metaphor is static, the other is dynamic :-p
I reckon my environment dice is a 1 for most of the time, which is why I tend to dissappear for huge swathes of time. I'm not sure what my red dice is but I seem to be able to cope.
Post a CommentPermalink Subscribe to comments: this post | all posts
<< T*Blog Home