Disconnection

I'm in a curiously non-blogging mood (which started, admittedly, in about January), partly because there's nothing I want to to blog about, and partly because there's nothing I can blog about.

The curse of having being steadily more "out" as a blogger (oh yeah, and mustn't forget "out" as a tranny too) is that each expansion of readership into a new group of friends/family/peers represents a contraction of the things you can actually blog about.

For example, I used to feel free to blog about what goes on at my workplace. Then that got knocked on the head when I was outed at work, and told in no uncertain terms that whilst being a tranny was okay, blogging about the things that go on in an IT department in a hospital wasn't. So that was one source of occasionally interesting blog posts curtailed.

And I used, from time to time, to blog about how I was feeling inside about stuff. Jane, through no fault of her own, has stopped me from doing that. I'm just not comfortable with sharing thoughts and feelings with my readers that I wouldn't be happy sharing with her first.

My life is full of stuff at the moment. The wedding is the big showy headline-grabber, but there's also stuff to do with preparing and selling houses, finances, work, basically day-to-day living, which if I managed to make half as tedious in a blog post as I actually find it personally would still make for extremely dull reading.

That bundle of clothes and layer of slap and prostheses that I anthropomorphise as "Becky", has done what she normally does. I.e. fit in the spaces left that aren't filled with other things. And as my life seems to be filled to the brim with other things at the moment, Becky remains quietly in the shadows. I have to force myself to make time for her, which sometimes feels like an exercise in futility in itself.

Ho, and indeed, hum.

I think I need to take some advice that I've often given to other tranny bloggers (albeit muttered unheard at the screen rather than to their faces).

Becky... you need to get out more.

I need to re-connect. Re-engage with why Becky is important to me. She's important to me not because she's dresses up in girly clothes (although that's a big thing), she's important to me because she's the me that doesn't have to worry about work, or finances, or weddings, or even Jane.

(And if anyone takes this to mean that "Becky is free to mess around at Jane's expense", then they're deeply wrong. Put it this way: Becky does worry about Jane, she just doesn't have to, because Simon takes care of it).

It should be easy, because Becky's needs are quite simple. A short skirt, a dancy tune and a fizzy alcoholic drink will keep her happy for ages.

Sod it if "real life" things get put on hold for a while. I need to get in touch once more with my Inner Tranny.