The Toothpaste Affair
(henceforth known as "ColGate")
One wonders what the correct term is for large quantities of toothpaste. There are apparently whole lakes of wine and entire mountains of grain being housed in the warehouses of the European Union, and the words "lake" and "mountain" immediately conjure a mental picture of the vast amounts of surplus involved. But toothpaste is simultaneously too soft to form peaks and too gooey to effectively pool, which to my mind causes a problem. If overzealous European toothpaste producers ever did cause a glut of the stuff, what would we call it? The best I can come up with is the European Toothpaste Quagmire, but I dare say the boffins at the EU are hard at work coming up with a better term as we speak.
Whatever they decide to call it, we already have a small (but nonetheless substantial) version in our house.
On Sunday we decided to effectively divide labour I would continue cleaning the house while Jane did the weekly "big shop".
"Is there anything particular we need?" Jane asked as she walked out the door. "We've run out of toothpaste", I said.
Jane returned just as I'd made a start on the bathroom, clutching two tubes of toothpaste. "It was buy one get one free," she said.
I should explain Jane has a bit of a blind spot when it comes to buying in bulk. Her excitement at the potential savings from "BOGOF" and similar offers sometimes overwhelm other considerations, such as "do we really have room and/or need for two bouncy castles?"
I dutifully placed them on the freshly cleaned shelf and began clearing out some of the clutter from a set of bathroom drawers.
Which is where I found the spare tube of toothpaste from a previous "get one free" offer.
And then another fresh tube, possibly a refugee from the merger of households earlier in the year. Which brought the total up to four.
"Oh well", I quipped to Jane as she made a start on the packing for the honeymoon. "At least we won't need to buy toothpaste for the holiday!"
"We've already got a tube of toothpaste for travel," Jane said. "I just packed it."
One wonders what the correct term is for large quantities of toothpaste. There are apparently whole lakes of wine and entire mountains of grain being housed in the warehouses of the European Union, and the words "lake" and "mountain" immediately conjure a mental picture of the vast amounts of surplus involved. But toothpaste is simultaneously too soft to form peaks and too gooey to effectively pool, which to my mind causes a problem. If overzealous European toothpaste producers ever did cause a glut of the stuff, what would we call it? The best I can come up with is the European Toothpaste Quagmire, but I dare say the boffins at the EU are hard at work coming up with a better term as we speak.
Whatever they decide to call it, we already have a small (but nonetheless substantial) version in our house.
On Sunday we decided to effectively divide labour I would continue cleaning the house while Jane did the weekly "big shop".
"Is there anything particular we need?" Jane asked as she walked out the door. "We've run out of toothpaste", I said.
Jane returned just as I'd made a start on the bathroom, clutching two tubes of toothpaste. "It was buy one get one free," she said.
I should explain Jane has a bit of a blind spot when it comes to buying in bulk. Her excitement at the potential savings from "BOGOF" and similar offers sometimes overwhelm other considerations, such as "do we really have room and/or need for two bouncy castles?"
I dutifully placed them on the freshly cleaned shelf and began clearing out some of the clutter from a set of bathroom drawers.
Which is where I found the spare tube of toothpaste from a previous "get one free" offer.
And then another fresh tube, possibly a refugee from the merger of households earlier in the year. Which brought the total up to four.
"Oh well", I quipped to Jane as she made a start on the packing for the honeymoon. "At least we won't need to buy toothpaste for the holiday!"
"We've already got a tube of toothpaste for travel," Jane said. "I just packed it."
http://thingsmygirlfriendandIhavearguedabout.com
...assuming he's not a tranny already. Successful relationships seem to hinge around one partner being the hoarder and one being the purger. My Wifey is the purger and she can get really Stalinist about getting rid of stuff around the house. Her favourite trick is to find something of mine that's been around for ages but doesn't actually serve any purpose and then confront me with it, whilst holding it by her fingertips over an open bin.
"We need to get rid of these"
"But we might need...a gasmask...one day...and that unopened tin of dog food is a poigniant reminder of my last pooch"
Then she'll shoot me The Look (tm) for which I have no rebuttal before sending these goods into the gaping maw of the bin.
I suggest the only way you can really dispose of the toothpaste without being wasteful is to develop a fixation for sculpting a rocky outcrop of a place where you think aliens will land.
Actually.....
I think we've got two tubes of toothpaste packed away as I seemed to have collected a spare during my recentish travels.
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Someone somewhere on the internet ALWAYS has the answer
Six unusual uses for toothpaste
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Thanks for the advice!
(Although I don't remember Cambridgeshire smellinh much of peppermint.)
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