Cognitive Dissonance - Part 1

Forgive me, I'm going to write another blog post about the state of being a lapsed tranny. Getting things down in words, as always, helps clarify them in my own head. And if I'm going to write things down, I might as well make a blog post out of them, eh?

I'm suffering from cognitive dissonance, brought about by not caring at all about something, and simultaneously missing it terribly. That "something", for want of a better word, is "trannying".

Now the logical part of my mind tells me that it's not wise to maintain two differing beliefs at the same time. The reason that it's hard to resolve my feelings on "trannying" is it's just too big a thing, and a thing that is made up of lots of smaller things. I have differing levels of desire for each little thing, which it's impossible to pin down my feelings for the whole thing.

Still with me? Good.

Wow, this logic thing is good isn't it? Lets look at the big thing that is "trannying" and try and tease out all the little things that went into it. Then we can examine them separately and decide if they're the parts that I miss, or the parts that I "meh", and maybe even why

Things that "trannying" is made of:

Dressing Up - Uh, yeah, obviously. The defining characteristic of being an active transvestite is the actual wearing of women's clothes. But do I actually miss not doing it? Well, no, not really. I still think like a transvestite, and there's still a sexual thrill about the concept.

Sexual thrills are a funny thing though. I could reel off a long list of things that I've heard are turn-ons for folks. Heck, half of the internet exists to cater for them. Name a completely random activity and chances are there are a thousand people who get their kicks out of it; but for the thousand people who want to (excuse me while I spin the Wheel Of Random Turn-Ons) ... "Make Love to Baroness Thatcher", how many have actually done it?

I'd hazard a guess at somewhere around zero. They've probably read fiction about making love to Baroness Thatcher, they've probably written fiction about making love to Baroness Thatcher, some of them probably even have Baroness Thatcher "Real Dolls"... (excuse me while I just go vomit) ...

Anyway, that in some way is the point of sexual thrills, the idea is often more enjoyable than the reality, and most people can survive quite happily toying around with the idea in their heads. Maybe there's merit in trying things out in reality, if only to "get it out of your system" in which case count your lucky stars if your secretly held fetish is possible, socially acceptable, and most importantly legal.

I was lucky that my personal spin of the wheel came up "Put on Ladies' Things", which is possible, legal, and possibly more socially acceptable these days than it's ever been. For a given value of "socially acceptable".

So I "got it out of my system", for now. It may come back. It's funny how it hangs around in the corners.

Case in point: in the bottom of our laundry basket there's a pair of undies that belong to a maid costume. They've been their for ages, because we tend to only wash stuff when there's enough items of that type to make a load, and I can't see us needing to do a "black PVC items" wash any time soon. Plus, I kind of like the idea of having a pair of PVC maids undies in the laundry basket; it makes me smile every time I get to the bottom of the pile.

This was going to be one long blog post, but it's shaping up to be three. So I'll stop here for a while to let you digest and make astute comments. Or just say something tangential about PVC knickers, you choose! :)