Cognitive Dissonance - Part 3
Part 1 | Part 2
The final part of what makes up "trannying" for me...
The Social Network - I've never been a person who found it easy making friends, and when I do make them I have trouble hanging on to them. Friendships form, in my experience, when there's a social "glue" binding you to a group of people. You all share something in common, whether it's living or working or doing any activity in the same place at the same time. Among that group of people, you find one or two people with which you have even more in common, the same tastes, world outlook or background, and hence friendships are formed.
Reading that back to myself I don't wonder why I find making friends so hard, when I over-analyse it so much.
But anyway, trannying was no different. I started to get involved with groups both online and in real life, and in those groups there were people that I clicked with. Those people are mostly still friends today.
The trouble I've found throughout my life is that once social situations change (as they inevitably do) and the social glue that bound me to a group of people faded away, it was very hard to maintain friendships that were based on that glue.
With myself and my tranny friends all finding pastures new at the same time, it's increasingly hard to maintain those friendships, but I'm determined to do so. Partly because I've made mistakes in the past by not valuing friends enough, but mainly because the friends I've made over the past few years are some of the most fantastic people I've ever met. Dammit, even the ones I didn't like were pretty fantastic people to know.
In many ways, though, friendship is just part of it. It's also about being part of a group, having "peers" and contemporaries. Sharing information and learning from others. That activity in itself is very rewarding, just rubbing shoulders and sparking off others.
There's a void in my life at the moment and it's labelled "something I enjoy doing, I'm good at, and want to share with other people". In other words, something I can blog about, twitter about or pontificate on forums about. My job (for example) while satisfying, isn't the kind of thing that I feel a great urge to witter endlessly about. I have a feeling that there's something just around the corner that will be, but we'll just have to see.
I read something in the news a few days ago about how online social networks are actually detrimental to your social life. The artificial socialising acts as a poor substitute to real human contact, the type of contact that actually makes us happier and healthier. I think I agree with that. I wouldn't go as far too say online social network "damages brains" as the Daily Mail's typically hysterical headline put it today, I think that can safely be filed with "MMR gives you autism" and "mobile phones nuke your noggin".
However, about a month ago I deleted my male profile on Facebook. Before any of you read anything into the fact that I kept my female profile, it wasn't for any tranny-related reason. It was mainly because I felt it was acting as a substitute for actually making an effort to keep in touch with people. That and I felt that one day Facebook would own my soul in the form of every bit of personal information I ever had. But that's by the by.
So of the three facets of my trannying that I've explored, it's actually the last that I miss the most. It's heartening to see all the people that still take the time to read what I write here, and it does go some way to keep me feeling part of something. I miss the face-to-face contact of the old days. So just because my social circle is expanding by one Small Person in 3 months time, doesn't mean I won't make the effort to keep in touch with the rest of my mates too.
Maybe it's right for me to feel in two minds at the same time. It's making me analyse what I really want from life.
Cognitive dissonance is a bad thing, it's a good thing too. I hold both these truths to be valid.
The final part of what makes up "trannying" for me...
The Social Network - I've never been a person who found it easy making friends, and when I do make them I have trouble hanging on to them. Friendships form, in my experience, when there's a social "glue" binding you to a group of people. You all share something in common, whether it's living or working or doing any activity in the same place at the same time. Among that group of people, you find one or two people with which you have even more in common, the same tastes, world outlook or background, and hence friendships are formed.
Reading that back to myself I don't wonder why I find making friends so hard, when I over-analyse it so much.
But anyway, trannying was no different. I started to get involved with groups both online and in real life, and in those groups there were people that I clicked with. Those people are mostly still friends today.
The trouble I've found throughout my life is that once social situations change (as they inevitably do) and the social glue that bound me to a group of people faded away, it was very hard to maintain friendships that were based on that glue.
With myself and my tranny friends all finding pastures new at the same time, it's increasingly hard to maintain those friendships, but I'm determined to do so. Partly because I've made mistakes in the past by not valuing friends enough, but mainly because the friends I've made over the past few years are some of the most fantastic people I've ever met. Dammit, even the ones I didn't like were pretty fantastic people to know.
In many ways, though, friendship is just part of it. It's also about being part of a group, having "peers" and contemporaries. Sharing information and learning from others. That activity in itself is very rewarding, just rubbing shoulders and sparking off others.
There's a void in my life at the moment and it's labelled "something I enjoy doing, I'm good at, and want to share with other people". In other words, something I can blog about, twitter about or pontificate on forums about. My job (for example) while satisfying, isn't the kind of thing that I feel a great urge to witter endlessly about. I have a feeling that there's something just around the corner that will be, but we'll just have to see.
I read something in the news a few days ago about how online social networks are actually detrimental to your social life. The artificial socialising acts as a poor substitute to real human contact, the type of contact that actually makes us happier and healthier. I think I agree with that. I wouldn't go as far too say online social network "damages brains" as the Daily Mail's typically hysterical headline put it today, I think that can safely be filed with "MMR gives you autism" and "mobile phones nuke your noggin".
However, about a month ago I deleted my male profile on Facebook. Before any of you read anything into the fact that I kept my female profile, it wasn't for any tranny-related reason. It was mainly because I felt it was acting as a substitute for actually making an effort to keep in touch with people. That and I felt that one day Facebook would own my soul in the form of every bit of personal information I ever had. But that's by the by.
So of the three facets of my trannying that I've explored, it's actually the last that I miss the most. It's heartening to see all the people that still take the time to read what I write here, and it does go some way to keep me feeling part of something. I miss the face-to-face contact of the old days. So just because my social circle is expanding by one Small Person in 3 months time, doesn't mean I won't make the effort to keep in touch with the rest of my mates too.
Maybe it's right for me to feel in two minds at the same time. It's making me analyse what I really want from life.
Cognitive dissonance is a bad thing, it's a good thing too. I hold both these truths to be valid.
That's cognitive dissonance for you.
Oh and *applause* or should I say, "zorp"
Kx
The Facebook thing: more useful for exiles such as myself. Less so for weirdoes I work with who sit next to each other in the office and communicate by FB.
The social networking thing is understandable. One thing we learnt is that the people that really count are those that you would hang out with and befriend, irrespective of attire. Like your goodself.
In that sense, trannying became a catalyst for forming a friendship.
Oh - that's nearly a haiku. Some work needed there I think.
In a way, that sense of moving on seems to be what has happened in your life with Becky EnVerite as well. You've moved to a new town (called 'marriage and impending parenthood') and now you don't see much of her.
Quite how awkward you'd feel about getting back in touch, later on, is something to be decided between the 'two' of you. (Or maybe the two of you and your family.)
If you decide that it's time to draw a line under the career of Becky, I'm sure a lot of people will miss that exceptional character - and your services as an ambassador and catalyst within our community. But hey - nobody died!
And if an epitaph were needed, there's a perfect line in the official anthem of the European Union, no less:
"Deine Zauber binden wieder, was die Mode streng geteilt"
Translation:
Your magic brings together that which custom kept apart.
It could have been written for you, Bex, because that's what you did.
Suomy Nona - I loved your comment.
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