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Friday, April 29, 2005

Away to Brum

All packed for a weekend away, it's Sophie's big 30th bash in Birmingham tomorrow, really looking forward to it!

A short blog entry today, you can hopefully look forward to a full expose of the goings on in Brum when I get back!

Unrelated Science News

The worlds smallest Cornish pasty has been developed by Ginsters scientists working in Truro. It consists of a single molecule of minced beef trapped within a stable tetrahedron of four pastry atoms.

It's been estimated that a standard petrol station refridgeration unit could contain over 4,000,000,000,000 of these "Nanopasties".
Siobhan Curran  Is a nanopastie smaller than a micropastie? And is there such a thing as the pastiesphere?

Ignore me Becky, I'm quite drunk 
Rachel  Better had report back Becky, suffering withdrawal symptons after the Embassy Dinner bash. :(

Have a great time! 

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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Help... please

After being really happy when my Mum asked to see a picture of me as Becky, now I'm faced with a conundrum: what picture do I show her?

I've been through my stack of pictures and found a few fairly recent ones that I'm happy with. I'd like help narrowing it down! That's where you come in.

Put youself in my shoes. Imagine you're a transvetite like me.

Okay, you can stop playing with your tits now. :-/

Now... imagine your mum knows about you and is OK and supportive but a little freaked out by the whole thing. She's asked to see a pic of you dressed up because she's never seen you in femme mode.

You want to present a good image, but you don't want to freak her out more.

What pic would you choose? From the ones i've just posted?
Anonymous  Becky I think Option 5 is best for a gentle tranny intro. The tartan skirt is kilt-ish and you have a good excuse for the legs in that seating position on the stairs. A bit 1970's-waitress-in-a-nice-restaurant I think. Since this is the first time I've left a comment on your blog, I am, by the way, a straight and occasional tranny. 
Anonymous  That kilt-ish comment was from me, Susan 2, by the way. 
fangs  our expert opinion is "5"
:)
Ps because we like it ;) 
Nick  If I were you, I'd forget the one on the hotel bed; it's a nice pic, but your mum might not think so...I'd also forget the friends one, as your mum obviously wants to see 'you' (I realise you're on it). Why not show all the other 3? Or if not, I agree with the other 2 - the one on the stairs is a happy medium between the other two. 
Anonymous  Option 1. Young, sexy, but not at all slutty. It also shows what a good social life that dresses and lippy has given you.

Option 2. You look really young and funky (at nearly 31 I feel a little old to say funky) in this one.

Option 3. A really good natural looking shot and the trousers my freak you mum less.

Option 4. A lovely shot showing all the good friends you’ve made trannying. But doesn’t show you off, although this may be a good thing, as to easy your mum in.

Option 5. A classic on the stairs photo. You could tell her about the famous staircase.

I say the classic staircase shot (Option 5) is the winner. Good luck.

Daisy McKitten 
Lauren Teo  I tend to think it's a toss-up (poor term) between 1 & 5. And 5 has a slightly better overall composition... 
Siobhan Curran  I'm thinking Option 5 - not the one with your hands all over the other trannie's legs, not the conservative one - just the one of you, being you. And not option 1 ... I think I took that one 
Kat  Option 5 or 3, depending upon your confidence in her reaction to 'a bit of leg'.

Take both, show her you have differnet styles and best of British. 
tom  i think number 5. 
Jenna  I'd go for number 5 too pet. 
Cathii Scott  Ok as a parent of a 13yo girl and being a TV with a mum who I would like to tell but don't have the guts.....

Option 1 - quite a nice photo of you, but the parent in me freaks that it is on a bed, if that was my daughter..............

Option 2 - Hipster mini and fishnets..... not parent friendly, sorry it is damn sexy, but if my daughter..........

Option 3 - Hipster jeans and exposed midriff, once again a great picture but the parent in me just screams out at this one.

Option 4 - Personally I like this pic with your friends, however my mother would notice that, "you can see riiiggghhtt up that girls skirt" (said in a northumbrian screetch)

Option 5 - The parent in me says yes. You look georgeous and a little demure, without looking prudish.

In a nut shell I agree with every one else. No. 5 is the one. 
UncleRupert  Can I suggest you show her more than one photo? In fact, all 5 would be a good set to show her. I suppose there's alway sht equestion of 'which one should be on top of the pile' in which case I would go with 3,5,1,4,2

But that's just me, I would never have told my parents:) 
Anonymous  i like option 5 

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Option 5: A lot of leg, but a pic I like. Posted by Hello

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Option 4: Play up the friends angle. Posted by Hello
Anonymous  This is best. It looks safer and
like it's a 'rocky-horror' type thing.
if you know what i mean. 
Becky  Heheh! Rocky Horror. Thanks, I think. :-) 
Anonymous  the group photo is the best one to present to your mum 
Anonymous  All you girls look butiful i like what i see. 

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Option 3: Look nice. Conservative. Too plain? Posted by Hello

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Option 2: Full length, nice smile. Look like a tart. :-/ Posted by Hello
Anonymous  i'd send this one. i don't think it looks tarty 

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Option 1: Cute, not too slutty... but on a hotel bed. Wrong message? Posted by Hello
Anonymous  hey,becky you can use this photo i suggested.if i were u, i will give this photo to my mom. 

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Apple in Brum

Mmm... a new Apple Store in the Birmingham Bullring is opening this weekend. I think they're having a grand opening event. And I just happen to be in Brum this weekend!

Maybe i'll pick up something funky for my iPod. I really fancy some iPod Socks. :)

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I pwn Google!

I'm already the number one site for all your internet defrag needs, according to Google.

Yay me! I am l33t! Etc.
Siobhan Curran  Darling, can you help me become Everyone's favourite transvestite? 
Becky  Wouldn't you prefer to be something profitable like... um... Lancaster Escort Service?

Okay, so you're not an escort, but the punters don't know that until they hit the link on google, do they? ;-) 
Siobhan Curran  Damm Blogger and it's rel="no follow" malarky... 

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I'm not a Transsexual, but... (Part 72)

... if I did get anything done it would be a nose job. It's the one thing that always strikes me as masculine about my face in pictures. I'd love to have a pert little button nose!

And maybe get my jaw softened. It's a bit square.

Hmm, better cheekbones, maybe.

And while I was in I'd see about maybe a small boob job. A small one. Nothing that couldn't be hidden under a shirt.

Bum and hip implants too, to give me a nicer outline.

Maybe a bit of lipo. Flat tummy would be nice.

Botox to get rid of the little laughter lines.

But I wouldn't go crazy!

Oh... and the tackle's not going anywhere. Get used to it.
Jim  Why is it that women always want to change their most interesting features? It's those features and asymmetric imperfections that create the appeal.

And as for fat... any guy that wants an anorexic waif really wants a boy.

Elle McPhearson may be perfect but give me the likes of Caroline Quentin anyday.

Now, back to the anti-psychotics. 
Becky  It's funny, Caroline Quentin is the celebrity I'm said most to resemble. :) 
Jim  Nowt wrong with that ;-) 

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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #2

Some more of my mail that I couldn't be arsed to answer. Over to my evil twin, Evil Becky.
Tod writes:
HEY SAW THE PICS . UR VERY CUTE. I AM A STRAIGHT MALE ( MAYBE BI) NOT SURE. STILL TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT. ANYWAY. UR SOO CUTE. GREAT PICS.!!!

Evil Becky replies:
Hey Tod. Let me help U out. If U think U may be bi you almost certainly R.

Dave writes:
HI BECKY LIKED READING YOUR STORIES AND LOVED YOUR PICTURES IM DAVE 35 FROM NEWCASTLE.BYE 4 NOW DAVE XXX

Evil Becky replies:
Whatever happened to writing in lower case? And using punctuation? And writing words in full? Text messaging has a lot to answer 4.

Labels:

charlesF  Wow!!! You really look great... I'd never have guessed you wasn't a female if you hadn't mentioned it here.. You got guts to go out in public, I'm not that brave..... 

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Monday, April 25, 2005

Just Testing a Theory

Google Adsense, the "intelligent" advertising tool that's supposed to read pages and provide relevant advertising... hmm.

Yesterday's posting currently appears to feature three adverts that Adsense in it's infinite wisdom has decided are relevant to that item:

Spot a theme?

I was at a loss as to exactly what Adsense's thinking was... until Jessica pointed out that I'd mentioned Henry Bellingham, the Tory MP for West Norfolk. Surely Adsense wouldn't be that cruel?

So I'm going to check to see if that was the case. This post will mention Henry Bellingham, Tory and MP a few times just to see if someone somewhere has invented a rather funny way to get back at the Tory Party, or maybe just Henry Bellingham MP. Let's see!

So, Google, the relevant words on this page are Tory, Henry, Bellingham and MP. Do your worst!
Becky  Success! Someone out there equates Tories with a pain in the arse! Result! :D 
Becky  I think it's stopped working. :-( Basically every time I mentioned Tory party in a comment it posted 3 adverts for butt chafing creams and butt surgery! :) 
Lauren Teo  I always like to be around to save the day (or at least a screenshot.)
Note: IE users may experience a download dialog instead of it showing the image, #42 of hundreds of reasons to stop using it. 
Becky  YAY! Thanks Lauren! 

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Sunday, April 24, 2005

Smile

I went to my Mum and Dad's this evening. They're still decorating the lounge so tea was a bit basic, but it was nice to see them.

Driving back, there were three people that made me smile. Here they are in reverse order.

  • The anonymous political vandal. Some wit had daubed "t*sser" and "w*nker" in red spray paint over the "Vote Bellingham" (our incumbent Tory MP) signs at the top of the hill. It was some way out in the countryside away from town, so I applauded the effort.
  • The village crazy kid. He stands on a grassy bank in my parent's village all day, and sings enthusiastically into an unplugged microphone for the passing cars and pedestrians. If you're gonna be a freak, do it with style. I can identify with that.
  • My Mum. She makes a mean chicken sandwich, but that's not it. We were wandering out to the car together and she said "the next time I see you, I want you to bring a picture. One of you dressed up. I'm ready to see you now. It's been a year but I've found the courage!"

She said it with a warm smile of honesty, tinged with the nervousness she gets when talking about "important" things. She's known for a while now that I do this stuff, and that it's important to me, and she's trying to understand and be helpful.

I love my Mum very much.
Anonymous  So here's the million dollar question - are you going to use an existing photo, or rack up the tripod once again? 
Becky  Probably an existing one. It's gonna be tricky though. Thinking about it logically, I'm not sure which pic I want my Mum to see. 
Becky  Aw... the ads from google have disappeared...

Try refeshing the page - they might come back! At the time of writing they're appearing on Monday's Posting still.

Maybe if I meantion the tory party a few times here they'll come back here too!

Tory party, Henry Bellingham. Tories. Tory. Tory Party! 
Rachel  You must let us know how your Mum reacts - a tip - don't show her the black pvc french maids outfit, not first time round, anyway. 
Kat  Keep telling your Mum that you love her... 
Cathii Scott  God bless your mum. She gives me hope for when / if I break the news to my mum........ 

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En Femme, All En My Own.

Birds of a Feather


Trannies, in my experience, enjoy the safety of numbers. That's why these birds of paradise tend to flock together in tranny clubs and venues. There's a sense of security knowing that you're not the only one making a fool of yourself in public. You're going to blend in with the crowd.

Of course this positive can also be seen as a negative. If you're blending in with the crowd, you're not going to stand out or turn heads either. A lot of the fun I get from dressing up and going out is in the interactions with other non-trannies. When there's a dozen or so other trannies around, I tend to blend in with the crowd a bit too much.

Some people describe tranny clubs as an extension of the closet. When you go to one dressed, you're not really "coming out" as a tranny at all, you're just dressing up in a bigger place with more people.

Also, whereas "passing" as a girl has never been that important to me, I do like to be able to maintain that illusion for a few seconds. So that maybe only when a person looks closely do they say "wow that's a guy!". My friend Joanna Nicholls once pointed out that the chance of passing in public was related to the number of trannies in the group. I've formalized that theory a little here:

Becky's First Law of Trannydynamics

Where bt is the individual tranny's percentage chance of passing solo, nt is the number of trannies in the group and pt is the chance of the individual tranny passing in that group.

Becky's First Law of Trannydynamics can be paraphrased as "The chance of a tranny passing whilst in a group is inversely proportional to the number of trannies in that group". So a tranny with say, 100% chance of passing on their own would have their chance reduced to 50% with one other tranny, and with 10 trannies in the group their chance of passing is down to a paltry 10%! By the way, for the purposes of this formula Michaela Marbella counts as 50 trannies. I think she'd admit she kinda stands out more than most.

But as I've said, I'm not that interested in passing. But this law can also be used to determine how much likelihood you have of turning heads as an individual.

So more recently I've found the idea number of trannies in a group in about 2 to 4. Enough that you're providing backup for each other, but not too many that you have a tiny chance of passing, and little chance of interacting with people outside the group.

Working Without a Net


Last night, however, for the first time ever, I went out completely solo. I wasn't in a posse of girls, and I hadn't arranged to meet anyone. Just me in my little Corsa driving to Norwich to try the Loft on my own.

It was strange, not having the safety net of friends to talk to and engage with. It forced me to be a little more pro-active and mingle a bit more. But it turned out that people were pretty willing to mingle with me! I met a really nice little gay boy who came over to ask where I bought my boots. Coincidentally, the guy he was with told me that he'd DJ'ed in the Way Out Club in the past, although no neither of them seemed too "tranny". In fact, I was the only tranny there, and the place was packed

Later in the evening a guy came over to me and did the adult equivalent of the playground "my friend really likes you!" opening gambit. I looked over and saw a nice-looking guy looking absolutely terrified. We chatted to a bit and he told me that he was a straight guy and this was his first time in a gay venue. He'd seen me and told his friend that I was the prettiest girl there.

I wasn't too sure about the "straight" bit... but a girl always likes being told she's pretty! It was strange to think that this guy was probably about 5 times more scared of meeting just me than I had been going out on my own and meeting 200 strangers.

I think I relaxed him a bit, though. :-)

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Siobhan Curran  *ahem*

So, did you pull? 
Kat  Siobhan took the words right out of my mouth (again).

So, dish the dirt (hem hem). 
Jennifer  Yes, you pulled. Which reminds me of the last Angelics where this guy, Ian, came up to me and started chatting and then became all shy and embarassed - it took effort on my part to stop him from running from the club, he was so shy and embarrassed. Anyway he said that he liked my legs and compared them to my wife's, which he said weren't nearly as good - LOL. And then he stuck to me like glue trying to keep as close to my legs as possible! Yes the attention was very nice - and my friends all said "you've pulled". He didn't leave his number though... 

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Friday, April 22, 2005

The Battle for the Middle Ground

I heard a report on the radio tonight that in a recent survey of male grooming, over half of the 3000 men interviewed admitted to shaving at least part of their body hair regularly. The electronics company Philips have even launched an electric body razor exclusively for men.

I promised not to talk about politics, but it's suddenly struck me: being a modern day transvestite is like being a modern-day liberal democrat!

Errr... bear with me.

The Lib Dems (in their various guises over the years) have always tried to hold the middle ground in British politics. In recent years the Libs have felt the squeeze from both sides, as Labour moved away from the left wing, and the Conservatives softened their right-wing stance. The smaller Liberal Democrat party have had to work hard to maintain a distinct identity from the other parties.

Sometimes as a tranny, it feels like that too. Women have already successfully freed themselves from the limitations of just feminine attire and mannerisms and can be found all over the spectrum. Now men, in particular the modern-day "metrosexual" male, are starting to move the other way. Converging, in a way, on the trannies in the middle.

Part of what I get from being a transvestite is the sense of being different. People have often said to me "wouldn't it be nice if men and women could wear what they liked and there was no shame or shock in a man wearing a skirt", and I've had to say "er, no, actually. I'd hate that!"

Say someone took me to the distant future where women and men had 99% overlap between them. Nearly everything was common between the sexes, in terms of hair-styles, perfumes, clothing, mannerisms, etc. I'd still want to do the 1% of things that women did and men weren't supposed to do. I'd want to be different, exceptional, special.

It's becoming harder to find things that make me special. The traditional preserves of femininity (and by definition the preserves of trannies) are slowly being eroded.

"I shave my body hair!"
"So? So do a lot of men."

"I wear earrings! Sparkly ones!"
"So? I saw David Beckham wearing big diamond studs last week."

"I wear makeup!"
"Get over yourself! The new romantics were 20 years ago!"

"I shave my body hair, put on earrings and makeup, false tits, a wig, a dress, and flounce about like a big girl!"
"Hmmm... well I guess that's kind of different..."

I just wonder for how long.

Labels:

Miss K  It's becoming harder to find things that make me special

Whenever I have moments of doubt like this, I always recall something my old band's bass player used to shout to the audience: "HELLO F**KERS. WE ARE SIX INCH KILLAZ AND WE'VE COME TO DESTROY YOUR WAY OF LIFE!"

That usually takes me back out of the box :) 

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Blog Fatigue

I've hit the wall somewhat early in my blogging career. Blog fatigue has set in early. Have I already run out of things to have an opinion about? I think it's because the UK's national output of opinions is being used up by the election at the moment. There's not much room for opinions about anything else. I tend to steer clear of politics, not because I'm interested in them, I know who i'm going to vote for, and why. Just that discussing politics, like religion, is a sure-fire way of making enemies out of friends.

There are some people who thrive on political debate. I thrive on oxygen, water and complex carbohydrates. Metabolising is quieter and more relaxing than arguing.

It reminds me of a public-service advert running on the telly in the UK at the moment. A cartoon of two "regular" guys, designed to promote the idea that you can't complain about anything unless you're a voter. Supposedly because every aspect of life is influenced by the government. In the advert the anti-politics man says "I don't do politics," and is then chided by his pro-politics friend every time he attempts to say anything about anything...

"Ahahaah! You don't do politics," says Mr. Voter, with a waggling finger.

Mr. Non-Voter seems take this on board grudgingly and presumably sees the error of his ways and becomes an upstanding voting citizen (the advert doesn't make this clear).

Preposterous. ThunderCats was a more realistic animation.

I'm going to do my own version of the advert. When Mr. Voter interrupts his friend for the third of fourth time, the Mr. Non-Voter calmly smashes the pint-glass he's holding and glasses him in the face.

"Vote on that you sanctimonious, interrupting twat!"

Which I think is what any right-minded person would actually do in that situation.
Jim  Thundercats ruled... it inspired a 12-year old me to run up behind my Mum and shout 'Raa!!!' 

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Thursday, April 21, 2005

This is quite an interesting account by a fairly average straight guy on how not to come out at work. While I'm obviously feeling the pain of the 2 tran-sisters involved, there are lessons to be learned:
  1. Don't turn up for work in stillettos if you're no good at walking in them.
  2. Don't leave pictures of yourself in bra and panties and engaging in sex acts on your work PC. Particularly if some of them are actually taken in the office where you work.
The mind boggles.

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A Little Housekeeping

I was bored over lunch, so I decided to do my bit to improve the internet as a whole...

Internet Defrag

Please be patient while the page does it's job, it's a little slow cos I wrote it in ASP. If you get bored , look carefully, you can watch the little bits of information moving about.

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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Literary Transvestism

An article in yesterday's Guardian has confirmed a childhood fantasy of mine, that Alice in Wonderland was really a boy!

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Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Feed Me!

I've had a little tinker with the homepage so that Firefox will now recognise that my site has got an XML feed.

This enables Firefox's nifty live bookmarks feature. If you're using Firefox (it's a great browser), then just click the little icon in the bottom right hand corner of the screen and it will add a live bookmark to my site. This appears in the bookmarks menu as a little sub-menu full of all the latest posts to my site, which updates automatically.

You can also do this on sites like BBC News and other blogs like Siobhan Curran's excellent Tranniefesto.
Siobhan Curran  That might be the one and only time you ever see my name in the same sentence as the BBC 
Anonymous  That Bloody Siobhan gets everywhere! On no account should anyone go anywhere near her site at Siobhan's Place 
Rachel  No, I'm not a bit scared of that there Siobhan (well, maybe just a little bit), so anonymous has revealed himself, sorry I mean herself - gets confused easily... 

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Mermaid

I've started swimming again! It's been a while, but I really want to shift a few pounds before Barcelona in June.

As well as dusting off the goggles (they really were dusty!), I remembered to strip off the toenail varnish before I got there this time. Another tranny tip I've learned from experience: scraping nail varnish off with the edge of a 50p coin whilst in a changing room cubicle doesn't work.

Of course, the other big giveaway is the recently-shaved legs. For some reason I'm a lot less paranoid about this than I used to be. I suppose because you're underwater most of the time, it's not really noticeable.

Of course a lot of sprint swimmers shave their legs anyway. If anyone asks I'll just pretend I'm in training for the Olympics.

Hmm, might have to lose the water-wings and polystyrene float.
jenna  No one really cares about shaved legs now adays it seems. I shaved my legs and chest and no one in the rugby team even noticed. I think everyone just assumes its been done for a porpose. 
Becky  " I think everyone just assumes its been done for a porpose"

One thing i've learned Jenna, never shave your legs for a porpoise. They say they like it, but as soon as you do it they get all weird and don't talk to you. Dolphins are just as fickle. 
jenna  LoL. I can't beleive I typed that, I always say porpoise, not purpose. Now I'm typing it while thinking it. God, must go back through all those tech specs I've had to write............. 
Jennifer  Although no one seems to care about the smooth legs, I feel a little self-conscious in the male changing room. There's me, the only one with nice smooth legs and everyone around me is disgusting and hairy. I feel a lot happier once out in the pool or lounging in a jackuzzi. 
Anonymous  Do you think it's necessary to remove the toenail varnish? I always have, but I'm starting to think, 'why bother'? Does it matter so much what the others think? 
Becky  That basically sums it up doesn't it? As you get more aware of how little people actually care it becomes more of a case of "why bother?" 

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Sunday, April 17, 2005

Silence of the Lambs: The Musical

Don't you just love Google? I was talking to Jessica earlier about a scary tranny I'd met who reminded me of Buffalo Bill, the mad TS from The Silence of the Lambs. I was trying to think of the signature line that Bill drawled to his captor in the basement. A quick search of Google reminded me that it was "put the f-ing lotion in the basket", of course!

And my search also turned up this gem: SILENCE! Silence of the Lambs: The Musical

You've just got to listen to track 6!
Cathii Scott  Hmmm Isn't it; "It puts the lotion on or It gets the hose again" ?????? Maybe I should Google this before I post factually incorrect information.... Nah this is the web after all, Long live factually incorrect information 
Cathii Scott  This post has been removed by a blog administrator. 
Cathii Scott  Ok so perhaps I should have gone to google first..... "It rubs the lotion on the skin, or it gets the hose again" 

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Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #1

I get so much post via my website that sometime it all gets too much and I have to let my identical twin answer my mail. The trouble is, like all identical twins she's irredeemably evil. She's also called Becky, but I call her Evil Becky just so there's a distinction. I'm the nice one, honest.

I don't mind answering intelligent emails from interesting people, in fact I love getting them. It's just answering the unintelligible emails from "interesting" people that causes me problems. So I'm going to give them to Evil Becky to deal with. I really hope she doesn't upset too many people. Names have been changed to protect the innocent, spelling and grammar hasn't.


Anoymous writes:
I am very curious,can you please give me some advice

Evil Becky replies:
Wow, long email. You don't seem to have written about what you want advice on, so I'll just give you some snippets of general advice

  1. Don't eat yellow snow (everyone should know this one by now.)
  2. Always use gloves when working with acids.
  3. Wasps don't make good pets.

I hope this helps.

Taxinor writes:
When do i get my licence please let me know can you send it to me asap hope to heree from you soon.

Evil Becky replies:
I'm sorry but the people at the TVEE licencing people have decided that you're not a true tranvestite. Please cease and desist from all crossdressing activities from this moment forward. Any attempt to continue girly activities may result in a prison sentence.

Labels:

Jess  can i forward the stupid emails i get for you to reply to? setup evilbecky@beckysweb.co.uk >;) 

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Amanda and me, heading to Norwich Posted by Hello
Joanna  Can I just say Becks.. Loving the new hair.. looks great on you :-)