Away to Brum

All packed for a weekend away, it's Sophie's big 30th bash in Birmingham tomorrow, really looking forward to it!

A short blog entry today, you can hopefully look forward to a full expose of the goings on in Brum when I get back!

Unrelated Science News

The worlds smallest Cornish pasty has been developed by Ginsters scientists working in Truro. It consists of a single molecule of minced beef trapped within a stable tetrahedron of four pastry atoms.

It's been estimated that a standard petrol station refridgeration unit could contain over 4,000,000,000,000 of these "Nanopasties".

Help... please

After being really happy when my Mum asked to see a picture of me as Becky, now I'm faced with a conundrum: what picture do I show her?

I've been through my stack of pictures and found a few fairly recent ones that I'm happy with. I'd like help narrowing it down! That's where you come in.

Put youself in my shoes. Imagine you're a transvetite like me.

Okay, you can stop playing with your tits now. :-/

Now... imagine your mum knows about you and is OK and supportive but a little freaked out by the whole thing. She's asked to see a pic of you dressed up because she's never seen you in femme mode.

You want to present a good image, but you don't want to freak her out more.

What pic would you choose? From the ones i've just posted?

Option 5: A lot of leg, but a pic I like. 

Option 4: Play up the friends angle. 

Option 3: Look nice. Conservative. Too plain? 

Option 2: Full length, nice smile. Look like a tart. :-/ 

Option 1: Cute, not too slutty... but on a hotel bed. Wrong message? 

Apple in Brum

Mmm... a new Apple Store in the Birmingham Bullring is opening this weekend. I think they're having a grand opening event. And I just happen to be in Brum this weekend!

Maybe i'll pick up something funky for my iPod. I really fancy some iPod Socks. :)

I pwn Google!

I'm already the number one site for all your internet defrag needs, according to Google.

Yay me! I am l33t! Etc.

I'm not a Transsexual, but... (Part 72)

... if I did get anything done it would be a nose job. It's the one thing that always strikes me as masculine about my face in pictures. I'd love to have a pert little button nose!

And maybe get my jaw softened. It's a bit square.

Hmm, better cheekbones, maybe.

And while I was in I'd see about maybe a small boob job. A small one. Nothing that couldn't be hidden under a shirt.

Bum and hip implants too, to give me a nicer outline.

Maybe a bit of lipo. Flat tummy would be nice.

Botox to get rid of the little laughter lines.

But I wouldn't go crazy!

Oh... and the tackle's not going anywhere. Get used to it.

Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #2

Some more of my mail that I couldn't be arsed to answer. Over to my evil twin, Evil Becky.

Tod writes:
HEY SAW THE PICS . UR VERY CUTE. I AM A STRAIGHT MALE ( MAYBE BI) NOT SURE. STILL TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT. ANYWAY. UR SOO CUTE. GREAT PICS.!!!

Evil Becky replies:
Hey Tod. Let me help U out. If U think U may be bi you almost certainly R.

Dave writes:

HI BECKY LIKED READING YOUR STORIES AND LOVED YOUR PICTURES IM DAVE 35 FROM NEWCASTLE.BYE 4 NOW DAVE XXX

Evil Becky replies:
Whatever happened to writing in lower case? And using punctuation? And writing words in full? Text messaging has a lot to answer 4.

Just Testing a Theory

Google Adsense, the "intelligent" advertising tool that's supposed to read pages and provide relevant advertising... hmm.

Yesterday's posting currently appears to feature three adverts that Adsense in it's infinite wisdom has decided are relevant to that item:

Spot a theme?

I was at a loss as to exactly what Adsense's thinking was... until Jessica pointed out that I'd mentioned Henry Bellingham, the Tory MP for West Norfolk. Surely Adsense wouldn't be that cruel?

So I'm going to check to see if that was the case. This post will mention Henry Bellingham, Tory and MP a few times just to see if someone somewhere has invented a rather funny way to get back at the Tory Party, or maybe just Henry Bellingham MP. Let's see!

So, Google, the relevant words on this page are Tory, Henry, Bellingham and MP. Do your worst!

Smile

I went to my Mum and Dad's this evening. They're still decorating the lounge so tea was a bit basic, but it was nice to see them.

Driving back, there were three people that made me smile. Here they are in reverse order.

• The anonymous political vandal. Some wit had daubed "t*sser" and "w*nker" in red spray paint over the "Vote Bellingham" (our incumbent Tory MP) signs at the top of the hill. It was some way out in the countryside away from town, so I applauded the effort.
  
• The village crazy kid. He stands on a grassy bank in my parent's village all day, and sings enthusiastically into an unplugged microphone for the passing cars and pedestrians. If you're gonna be a freak, do it with style. I can identify with that.
  
• My Mum. She makes a mean chicken sandwich, but that's not it. We were wandering out to the car together and she said "the next time I see you, I want you to bring a picture. One of you dressed up. I'm ready to see you now. It's been a year but I've found the courage!"

She said it with a warm smile of honesty, tinged with the nervousness she gets when talking about "important" things. She's known for a while now that I do this stuff, and that it's important to me, and she's trying to understand and be helpful.

I love my Mum very much.

En Femme, All En My Own.

Birds of a Feather

Trannies, in my experience, enjoy the safety of numbers. That's why these birds of paradise tend to flock together in tranny clubs and venues. There's a sense of security knowing that you're not the only one making a fool of yourself in public. You're going to blend in with the crowd.

Of course this positive can also be seen as a negative. If you're blending in with the crowd, you're not going to stand out or turn heads either. A lot of the fun I get from dressing up and going out is in the interactions with other non-trannies. When there's a dozen or so other trannies around, I tend to blend in with the crowd a bit too much.

Some people describe tranny clubs as an extension of the closet. When you go to one dressed, you're not really "coming out" as a tranny at all, you're just dressing up in a bigger place with more people.

Also, whereas "passing" as a girl has never been that important to me, I do like to be able to maintain that illusion for a few seconds. So that maybe only when a person looks closely do they say "wow that's a guy!". My friend Joanna Nicholls once pointed out that the chance of passing in public was related to the number of trannies in the group. I've formalized that theory a little here:



Where b_t is the individual tranny's percentage chance of passing solo, n_t is the number of trannies in the group and p_t is the chance of the individual tranny passing in that group.

Becky's First Law of Trannydynamics can be paraphrased as "The chance of a tranny passing whilst in a group is inversely proportional to the number of trannies in that group". So a tranny with say, 100% chance of passing on their own would have their chance reduced to 50% with one other tranny, and with 10 trannies in the group their chance of passing is down to a paltry 10%! By the way, for the purposes of this formula Michaela Marbella counts as 50 trannies. I think she'd admit she kinda stands out more than most.

But as I've said, I'm not that interested in passing. But this law can also be used to determine how much likelihood you have of turning heads as an individual.

So more recently I've found the idea number of trannies in a group in about 2 to 4. Enough that you're providing backup for each other, but not too many that you have a tiny chance of passing, and little chance of interacting with people outside the group.

Working Without a Net

Last night, however, for the first time ever, I went out completely solo. I wasn't in a posse of girls, and I hadn't arranged to meet anyone. Just me in my little Corsa driving to Norwich to try the Loft on my own.

It was strange, not having the safety net of friends to talk to and engage with. It forced me to be a little more pro-active and mingle a bit more. But it turned out that people were pretty willing to mingle with me! I met a really nice little gay boy who came over to ask where I bought my boots. Coincidentally, the guy he was with told me that he'd DJ'ed in the Way Out Club in the past, although no neither of them seemed too "tranny". In fact, I was the only tranny there, and the place was packed

Later in the evening a guy came over to me and did the adult equivalent of the playground "my friend really likes you!" opening gambit. I looked over and saw a nice-looking guy looking absolutely terrified. We chatted to a bit and he told me that he was a straight guy and this was his first time in a gay venue. He'd seen me and told his friend that I was the prettiest girl there.

I wasn't too sure about the "straight" bit... but a girl always likes being told she's pretty! It was strange to think that this guy was probably about 5 times more scared of meeting just me than I had been going out on my own and meeting 200 strangers.

I think I relaxed him a bit, though. :-)

The Battle for the Middle Ground

I heard a report on the radio tonight that in a recent survey of male grooming, over half of the 3000 men interviewed admitted to shaving at least part of their body hair regularly. The electronics company Philips have even launched an electric body razor exclusively for men.

I promised not to talk about politics, but it's suddenly struck me: being a modern day transvestite is like being a modern-day liberal democrat!

Errr... bear with me.

The Lib Dems (in their various guises over the years) have always tried to hold the middle ground in British politics. In recent years the Libs have felt the squeeze from both sides, as Labour moved away from the left wing, and the Conservatives softened their right-wing stance. The smaller Liberal Democrat party have had to work hard to maintain a distinct identity from the other parties.

Sometimes as a tranny, it feels like that too. Women have already successfully freed themselves from the limitations of just feminine attire and mannerisms and can be found all over the spectrum. Now men, in particular the modern-day "metrosexual" male, are starting to move the other way. Converging, in a way, on the trannies in the middle.

Part of what I get from being a transvestite is the sense of being different. People have often said to me "wouldn't it be nice if men and women could wear what they liked and there was no shame or shock in a man wearing a skirt", and I've had to say "er, no, actually. I'd hate that!"

Say someone took me to the distant future where women and men had 99% overlap between them. Nearly everything was common between the sexes, in terms of hair-styles, perfumes, clothing, mannerisms, etc. I'd still want to do the 1% of things that women did and men weren't supposed to do. I'd want to be different, exceptional, special.

It's becoming harder to find things that make me special. The traditional preserves of femininity (and by definition the preserves of trannies) are slowly being eroded.

"I shave my body hair!"
"So? So do a lot of men."

"I wear earrings! Sparkly ones!"
"So? I saw David Beckham wearing big diamond studs last week."

"I wear makeup!"
"Get over yourself! The new romantics were 20 years ago!"

"I shave my body hair, put on earrings and makeup, false tits, a wig, a dress, and flounce about like a big girl!"
"Hmmm... well I guess that's kind of different..."

I just wonder for how long.

Blog Fatigue

I've hit the wall somewhat early in my blogging career. Blog fatigue has set in early. Have I already run out of things to have an opinion about? I think it's because the UK's national output of opinions is being used up by the election at the moment. There's not much room for opinions about anything else. I tend to steer clear of politics, not because I'm interested in them, I know who i'm going to vote for, and why. Just that discussing politics, like religion, is a sure-fire way of making enemies out of friends.

There are some people who thrive on political debate. I thrive on oxygen, water and complex carbohydrates. Metabolising is quieter and more relaxing than arguing.

It reminds me of a public-service advert running on the telly in the UK at the moment. A cartoon of two "regular" guys, designed to promote the idea that you can't complain about anything unless you're a voter. Supposedly because every aspect of life is influenced by the government. In the advert the anti-politics man says "I don't do politics," and is then chided by his pro-politics friend every time he attempts to say anything about anything...

"Ahahaah! You don't do politics," says Mr. Voter, with a waggling finger.

Mr. Non-Voter seems take this on board grudgingly and presumably sees the error of his ways and becomes an upstanding voting citizen (the advert doesn't make this clear).

Preposterous. ThunderCats was a more realistic animation.

I'm going to do my own version of the advert. When Mr. Voter interrupts his friend for the third of fourth time, the Mr. Non-Voter calmly smashes the pint-glass he's holding and glasses him in the face.

"Vote on that you sanctimonious, interrupting twat!"

Which I think is what any right-minded person would actually do in that situation.

This is quite an interesting account by a fairly average straight guy on how not to come out at work. While I'm obviously feeling the pain of the 2 tran-sisters involved, there are lessons to be learned:

1. Don't turn up for work in stillettos if you're no good at walking in them.
2. Don't leave pictures of yourself in bra and panties and engaging in sex acts on your work PC. Particularly if some of them are actually taken in the office where you work.

The mind boggles.

A Little Housekeeping

I was bored over lunch, so I decided to do my bit to improve the internet as a whole...

Internet Defrag

Please be patient while the page does it's job, it's a little slow cos I wrote it in ASP. If you get bored , look carefully, you can watch the little bits of information moving about.

Literary Transvestism

An article in yesterday's Guardian has confirmed a childhood fantasy of mine, that Alice in Wonderland was really a boy!

Feed Me!

I've had a little tinker with the homepage so that Firefox will now recognise that my site has got an XML feed.

This enables Firefox's nifty live bookmarks feature. If you're using Firefox (it's a great browser), then just click the little icon in the bottom right hand corner of the screen and it will add a live bookmark to my site. This appears in the bookmarks menu as a little sub-menu full of all the latest posts to my site, which updates automatically.

You can also do this on sites like BBC News and other blogs like Siobhan Curran's excellent Tranniefesto.

Mermaid

I've started swimming again! It's been a while, but I really want to shift a few pounds before Barcelona in June.

As well as dusting off the goggles (they really were dusty!), I remembered to strip off the toenail varnish before I got there this time. Another tranny tip I've learned from experience: scraping nail varnish off with the edge of a 50p coin whilst in a changing room cubicle doesn't work.

Of course, the other big giveaway is the recently-shaved legs. For some reason I'm a lot less paranoid about this than I used to be. I suppose because you're underwater most of the time, it's not really noticeable.

Of course a lot of sprint swimmers shave their legs anyway. If anyone asks I'll just pretend I'm in training for the Olympics.

Hmm, might have to lose the water-wings and polystyrene float.

Silence of the Lambs: The Musical

Don't you just love Google? I was talking to Jessica earlier about a scary tranny I'd met who reminded me of Buffalo Bill, the mad TS from The Silence of the Lambs. I was trying to think of the signature line that Bill drawled to his captor in the basement. A quick search of Google reminded me that it was "put the f-ing lotion in the basket", of course!

And my search also turned up this gem: SILENCE! Silence of the Lambs: The Musical

You've just got to listen to track 6!

Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #1

I get so much post via my website that sometime it all gets too much and I have to let my identical twin answer my mail. The trouble is, like all identical twins she's irredeemably evil. She's also called Becky, but I call her Evil Becky just so there's a distinction. I'm the nice one, honest.

I don't mind answering intelligent emails from interesting people, in fact I love getting them. It's just answering the unintelligible emails from "interesting" people that causes me problems. So I'm going to give them to Evil Becky to deal with. I really hope she doesn't upset too many people. Names have been changed to protect the innocent, spelling and grammar hasn't.

Anoymous writes:
I am very curious,can you please give me some advice

Evil Becky replies:
Wow, long email. You don't seem to have written about what you want advice on, so I'll just give you some snippets of general advice

1. Don't eat yellow snow (everyone should know this one by now.)
2. Always use gloves when working with acids.
3. Wasps don't make good pets.

I hope this helps.

Taxinor writes:
When do i get my licence please let me know can you send it to me asap hope to heree from you soon.

Evil Becky replies:
I'm sorry but the people at the TVEE licencing people have decided that you're not a true tranvestite. Please cease and desist from all crossdressing activities from this moment forward. Any attempt to continue girly activities may result in a prison sentence.

Amanda and me, heading to Norwich