Tomato Flu

Just watched the funniest television parody since The Day Today. Broken News Lampoons the never-ending stream of news programs that clog up today's multi-channel digital television. There were recognisable spoofs of virtually every single type of news show on TV, from trendy news bursts for 20-somethings to hideously parochial local BBC news shows.

There were several laugh-out-loud moments tonight, but I'm not going to bore you all by quoting them here. I'll save that torture for the lads at work. ;-)

It's on again next week, 9.30pm BBC2, and it's got NINETEEN Big Becky Thumbs Up Gold Star Seals of Approval! (Really must make a logo or something for that)

Eeep...

A work colleague glanced over my shoulder as I was taking a quick look at my blog, and saw the full length shot of me as J Edgar Hoover in zombie-semi-drag!

"Is that you?"

I'm obviously a lot more recognisable with a white and green face than I am with a wig and a bit of lippy. I've had pictures of Becky on screen before with no comments!

But I think I've got away with it. Halloween and all that! My old trick of just waiting for someone else to come up with their own answer paid off. Within seconds he suggested "Rocky Horror theme?" to which I replied "yes"!

The one question I didn't have a quick answer for:

"Where did you get the shoes?" :-)

Heeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!!! ... Edgar Hoover

John Edgar Hoover, Director of the FBI, probably wasn't a cross-dresser as rumours have suggested, but I've never let the truth get in the way of a good excuse for dressing up! So when I needed a costume for this weekend's fancy dress Halloween party (the theme being "Dead Famous") there was something about bringing old J. Edgar back from the dead that appealed!

And who's to say that if Zombie Hoover dug his way to the surface he wouldn't be dressed in a suit, tie, silk slip and fishnet stockings?



If that's whetted your appetite for back-from-the-dead fun, then check out this horrible lot...



In case you're thinking "hang on, a fancy dress party frequented by at least 5 trannies, and I'm not seeing too many ridiculously girly outfits. What gives Becky?"

Well, on the one hand I didn't want to be too obvious and just tranny-up as per usual, and on the other hand I still wanted to do something a bit tranny. In fact nearly all of the trannies there failed to girly-up!

Luckily Sophie was there to totally redress the balance!



You can check out the rest of my pics from the weekend here.

JGG Outed

Some shocking revelations about the Jolly Green Giant over at Café de Jenkster!

Transvestism Time

I'm writing this as a bit of a displacement activity from doing some "proper" writing. I've been asked to write an account of my first time out "dressed", for a friend who's researching a magazine article, and it's turning out to be harder work than I expected. Although my first time out was a scant 3 years ago, it's already getting hard to remember what life was like before trannying became a big part of my life.

The researcher wants to know about what led up to my first time out, and my thoughts and feelings at the time. I'm wracking my brains trying to remember what the series of events were that led up to me booking that night out with the Boudoir. It's impossible to think of a chain of causality. I can't say that this happened that caused me to think like this, which made me do this.

As children we're taught history as nice causal links of events: "this man got assassinated... which pissed off this country... which made them write a snotty letter to this country ... and then there was a great big war".

We all know that real life isn't like that, either in the scale of international history or at the granular, human, level. Every event is triggered by a whole bunch of other events, you can't draw simple lines of causality.

There's a concept called Steam Engine Time, invented by Charles Fort, who said "in steam engine time, people make steam engines".

The steam engine was invented two thousand years ago, but it was seen at the time as little more than a toy. Over the centuries the idea was developed but never really took off. There were several attempts to make steam do work, some more successful than others, but no-one really took steam power seriously. Then in the late 18th century James Watt invented the Watt Steam Engine and steam energy "took off", fuelling the industrial revolution.

The point is, that Watt didn't invent steam power. It had been discovered over and over again throughout history, it's just that the world wasn't ready for it. There wasn't a pressing need for machines that could do the work of horses or men, it was an idea "before it's time". When Watt invented his engine it was in a cultural and economic environment that was ready and waiting for the steam engine. It was "steam engine time".

Steam engine time is the most famous example of this phenomena, but I can think of hundreds of others. Modern technology is full of ideas that have been around for ages but suddenly and seemingly inexplicably become popular. And also there are lots of ideas that try to take off but are woefully before their time. Anyone remember the clunky and underpowered "virtual reality" headsets from the early 90s? The idea of VR was good, but environment (in this case the limited available technology) wasn't ready to make it happen.

Bringing this down to a personal level, I've been a transvestite all my life. Throughout my teens and twenties I'd experimented, on-and-off, with dressing up with bits and pieces of women's clothing, but it was always a side-line activity which never lead to anything. There were always other things to do.

Then, a few weeks after my thirtieth birthday, I got chatting online with a tranny called "Jade". I was a horrendously closeted tranny, she was a regular dresser who was getting bored of the whole tranny scene (she actually used the chat nickname "Jaded"). I was saying that I'd love to go shopping for girly clothes sometime (yes I really was that closeted) and she said "why don't you?"

It wasn't a trick question. And I didn't have a good answer. Why don't I just do it?

Within weeks I'd been out for my first ever "proper" shopping trip as a tranny, and bought my first false boobs! Shortly after that I got involved with the Angels, and through them decided that I wanted a makeover from the Boudoir. A week after my makeover I decided to go out on an escorted night out, also with the Boudoir. Within about 6 months I'd gone from a hopeless closet case who'd never even been fully dressed en-femme to an "out" transvestite with a wardrobe of clothes.

Jade didn't make me do it. It wasn't the shopping trip. It wasn't the Angels. It wasn't the Boudoir. It wasn't the passing of my thirtieth birthday. It wasn't because I'd had a pay rise and lots of spending money. It was all these things, and many more. My life and environment had reached a point where it was time to let Becky out of the closet. I'd reached my own, personal, Transvestism Time.

Oh, and it doesn't show any sign of ending.

Halloween...

...the one time a year we all get a chance to dress up in any costume we like with no fear of recrimination. In other words, Christmas for Trannies.

The American tranniesphere is already abuzz, Emily is showing off potential outfits, and Katherine has carved a great jack-o-lantern. Trannies are always looking for an excuse to dress up, and as excuses go Halloween is pretty much a no-brainer.

Actually, the last time I dressed up for Halloween was about 25 years ago, and it was probably as the default "ghost" look. The design is simple: take one of Mums's old sheets, cut two eye holes.

The sheet was always about a metre too long, and the eye holes were always far too far apart, which (combined with the fact that I was wandering around in the dark) resulted in the village being terrorised by a very short and extremely corporeal phantom who kept bumping into things and falling over.

I grew up in a village which was right next to an American air base, which we used to sneak onto at Halloween to trick-or-treat, because the families there always gave out a lot more sweets. Security wasn't quite as tight on air bases in those days! There was a rumour at my school at the time, which I wasn't inclined to disbelieve, that once a year the US Air Force sent over a Galaxy full of candy bars to the air base, just for Halloween!

Anyway, I haven't had the opportunity to dress up for halloween since, but that dry patch will end this weekend because I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Sophie's place. The theme is "Dead Famous", and I've been wracking my brains to think of who I could go as.

I've just thought of someone. It's gonna be great. :-)

Not run of the mill

Warning, this posting contains scenes of extreme Englishness from the outset.

This autumn has turned out to be remarkably pleasant, with several warm and sunny weekends even into late October. Today we decided to make the most of yet another sunny day and headed out to a nearby water mill in Houghton, Cambridgeshire.



It's a beautiful place and I got some quite nice pics. Here's one of a rather time-worn fire escape...



And a close up of a adolescent cygnet who allowed me to get quite close before he went off in a strop (typical teenager).



Despite it being nearly November, there's still colour to be seen in nature...



After some mild exertion, a trip to a local pub for refeshment...



And just when you think things just can't possibly get more quintessentially English, you see a damp dog that's had a nice swim and is now a bit bored waiting while it's wellies-and-wax-jacketed owner tucks into a pub lunch.



Perfect! If you can take any more, I've posted some more pictures here. I'm off to heartily sing Jerusalem to myself in the bath.

All together now... AND DID THOSE FEEEEEEET...

Men's Clothes

This picture sums up my opinion of High Street male fashion.

...grey, grey, beige, grey, brown, a bit blue, grey, beige, beige...

Magazine mind-mapping

Selina's Universe	=	New Scientist
Karol Cross	=	Hello!
DragNet	=	Face Magazine
Tranniefesto	=	G2
Just Jessica	=	Just 17
Clarissa Explains Some of It	=	Sunday Telegraph
Joanna's Diary	=	Nuts
Slothblog	=	The Lady
Charlotte's Web	=	Guns and Ammo

(ymmv)

Passing, and passing off

I suppose I should start by explaining the Austen-esque heading. There's passing, which in a tranny context means "appearing to be female without arousing suspicion"; and then there's passing off, which means to misrepresent something or someone as something else.

Take a look at this screen shot. Notice the problem?

No, it's not the adverts for "deluxe authentic vaginas" or "feminine hormone bottom cream" (the mind boggles), this is the Transformation web site after all and we should expect to be flogged wildly overpriced (and utterly useless) items such as this. No, the problem is this person "Alison" is using my picture on her personal ad! He's not even bothered to trim out the photo border effect I add!

I suppose I should be flattered that they chose my image to represent themselves online. But I'm not. In fact I'm bloody annoyed about it. Two emails to Transformations and one to the person in question have met with no reply. This had annoyed me even more.

I suppose I should expect no more from Transformation. After all, this is the company that regularly passes off pictures of genetic women as examples of the results of their "feminizing products"; when any tranny with an ounce of intelligence knows that their only chance of looking that good is if someone invents brain transplantation and uses trannies and glamour models as guinea pigs.

The trouble is, sadly, that so many trannies don't seem to have an ounce of intelligence. Tranformation's customer base doesn't show any signs of drying up.

There is a certain class of tranny that is completely unwilling to put in any effort to look feminine. I can understand why to a certain extent. I admit that it must look disheartening to a cross-dresser who wants to be a bit more passable when they look at pictures of "established" t-girls online. Transformation offers an easy route for these guys: "rub this snake-oil on your skin and you'll look like THIS! [insert generic picture of a skinny genetic girl model with her very real norks out here]".

For the tranny (and I use this word in it's loosest sense of the term) who doesn't even want to try to look like a girl in real life, and just wants a bit of "cyber fun" there's an even easier route: steal someone else's pictures and pass them off as your own.

The canny tranny will use the pictures of a good looking but not too well known trans-person that they've found online, which is why Alison was stupid to pick me. Yes of course I'm fabulous looking ;-), but I've already received 3 emails from complete strangers saying "did you know someone's using your pic on this site?".

The tranny with real balls and no intention of ever being found out will use a picture of a genetic girl, preferably some lesser-known fashion model. It's even better if you get a few dozen pictures of the girl in different poses and situations, 'cos then you can invent a little fantasy life for your online persona. "This is me riding on my prize stallion", "here's me washing my hair in the waterfall at the bottom of my 5 acre garden", and so on.

For a tranny like me who's spent a long time and a lot of money in an effort to get some pictures they can be proud of online, this is particularly galling.

On blanking, and the Clark Kent Effect

I met Jane's friend Charlotte for the first time last night (in "boy mode") which was nice.

It's always strange meeting trannies in person for the first time, especially when you're used to seeing their online girly persona. Charlotte, like many of us wig-dependent trannies, looks strikingly different in boy mode than she does in girl mode. It's the element of disguise that a wig gives that makes us less reticent to put our pictures on the net. For example, I doubt that I'd recognise Charlotte from her pics if I knew her other half, particularly as he wears glasses!

There is a definite "Clark Kent Effect" with glasses-wearing trannies. A few trannies I know only wear glasses when they're in boy mode, presumably because it's expensive to buy girly frames, whereas contact lenses are unisex. So the morning a once the wig and make-up comes off and the glasses go on, the transformation between "girl" and "boy" is even more striking.

Charlotte was hard to spot as a boy, but I suppose I should feel thankful that I didn't have to guess who he was!

I have a big big problem with "blanking", you need to know this.

If I've never met you in person, and some time in the future you come up to me and say "hi", I think it's safe to say I will blank you. Please don't take this personally.

They say the human brain evolved so large to keep up with all the social interactions that we partake in. A large brain helped us recognise a large group of people, and how we stood with them socially (don't worry, I'm not going to start ranting about alpha males again!).

The thing is, my brain has evolved to remember a large group of people who I've met in person and who tend to look the same from one day to the next. It's not evolved to cope with a huge number of people who I mainly know as a cyber-entity (a web presence, or an email address or a chat-room nickname), and it's not evolved to keep track of a bunch of people who change their entire look more often than Madonna!

For example, a couple of years ago I was out in Manchester and this skinny Irish lass comes up to me.

"Hello I'm Siobhan."

"Oh... hi!"(Who the hell is this? Do I know? Should I know? Errrr.... switching to neutral banter mode.) "Good night isn't it? Love your outfit. Blahblahblahblahblah. Yeah sure I'll have a picture taken with you..."

A few days later I get sent the picture (or see it on her blog) and go "SHIT! That Siobhan!!"

Now, I've already apologised to her for this (on numerous grovelly occasions), but I've kind of worked out why this is.

1. Siobhan doesn't look in person like she does in her pictures.
   That's not an insult, because neither do I. In fact I'd challenge any tranny to keep up the pristine girly-girl look in a dark hot nightclub.
   
   
2. When I see "Siobhan" I hear "Shi-vawn", but when I hear "Shi-vawn", I don't think "Siobhan".
   This is a bit of a mind-bender, I realise. Basically I've got the mental subroutine that turns the written word into the sound, but not vice-versa. So meeting her for the first time I was floundering (Shivawn who?? I've never seen that name online!).
   
   
3. I'm shit and remembering names. And faces.
   Sums it up really. My brain hasn't evolved out of the lower primate stage. If I was in a woop of gorillas I'd keep getting beaten up by the silverback for not showing due respect. "Sorry, for dropping that coconut on your head boss... I thought you were Steve!"

This will happen to you too when you meet me , I promise, but at least you'll be in illustrious company. Your best bet is to start the conversation with a small potted biography of who you are and how you relate to me, and with any luck you'll watch as a smile of recognition slowly creeps across my face!

Of course, what's doubly cruel is that I often get trannies wandering up to me at events and say "hi Becky!", sounding for all the world like we're old friends, and sending me into "who the fuck is this?" mode for a few moments, until they reveal they've recognised me from my website and we've not even exchanged emails before.

The fear and panic I feel before I realise that they're just a "fan of my work" is only just compensated by the feeling of being a a great big tranny celebrity.

Only just!

Love in the 21st Century

Our eyes met across a crowded net... We found ourselves finishing each other's instant messages... She's got her own login account on my PC...
I'm in lo...

Yeah I know, that sounds really false and superficial. Online dating is, perhaps rightfully, looked on as somewhat pathetic.

I did meet Jane online, but because it was first via our respective blogs; and then via some tentative emails that were agenda-less and friendly; and then loads of real-life meetings; at no point has it felt like an "online" relationship.

If the Internet hadn't existed we'd never have met, probably. But then again, if the Internet hadn't existed I wouldn't be the type of tranny (or the type of person) that I am today. Over the last decade or so, the internet has shaped my life in numerous ways, nearly all positive.

They say that the jet engine shrank the world, but the world still seemed a big empty place when I was growing up a child of the jet age. If jet travel shrank the world, then the internet miniaturized it. All of a sudden the whole world was in a box in the corner of the room.

There were other trannies there, and all