Tomato Flu

Just watched the funniest television parody since The Day Today. Broken News Lampoons the never-ending stream of news programs that clog up today's multi-channel digital television. There were recognisable spoofs of virtually every single type of news show on TV, from trendy news bursts for 20-somethings to hideously parochial local BBC news shows.

There were several laugh-out-loud moments tonight, but I'm not going to bore you all by quoting them here. I'll save that torture for the lads at work. ;-)

It's on again next week, 9.30pm BBC2, and it's got NINETEEN Big Becky Thumbs Up Gold Star Seals of Approval! (Really must make a logo or something for that)

Eeep...

A work colleague glanced over my shoulder as I was taking a quick look at my blog, and saw the full length shot of me as J Edgar Hoover in zombie-semi-drag!

"Is that you?"

I'm obviously a lot more recognisable with a white and green face than I am with a wig and a bit of lippy. I've had pictures of Becky on screen before with no comments!

But I think I've got away with it. Halloween and all that! My old trick of just waiting for someone else to come up with their own answer paid off. Within seconds he suggested "Rocky Horror theme?" to which I replied "yes"!

The one question I didn't have a quick answer for:

"Where did you get the shoes?" :-)

Heeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny!!! ... Edgar Hoover

John Edgar Hoover, Director of the FBI, probably wasn't a cross-dresser as rumours have suggested, but I've never let the truth get in the way of a good excuse for dressing up! So when I needed a costume for this weekend's fancy dress Halloween party (the theme being "Dead Famous") there was something about bringing old J. Edgar back from the dead that appealed!

And who's to say that if Zombie Hoover dug his way to the surface he wouldn't be dressed in a suit, tie, silk slip and fishnet stockings?



If that's whetted your appetite for back-from-the-dead fun, then check out this horrible lot...



In case you're thinking "hang on, a fancy dress party frequented by at least 5 trannies, and I'm not seeing too many ridiculously girly outfits. What gives Becky?"

Well, on the one hand I didn't want to be too obvious and just tranny-up as per usual, and on the other hand I still wanted to do something a bit tranny. In fact nearly all of the trannies there failed to girly-up!

Luckily Sophie was there to totally redress the balance!



You can check out the rest of my pics from the weekend here.

JGG Outed

Some shocking revelations about the Jolly Green Giant over at Café de Jenkster!

Transvestism Time

I'm writing this as a bit of a displacement activity from doing some "proper" writing. I've been asked to write an account of my first time out "dressed", for a friend who's researching a magazine article, and it's turning out to be harder work than I expected. Although my first time out was a scant 3 years ago, it's already getting hard to remember what life was like before trannying became a big part of my life.

The researcher wants to know about what led up to my first time out, and my thoughts and feelings at the time. I'm wracking my brains trying to remember what the series of events were that led up to me booking that night out with the Boudoir. It's impossible to think of a chain of causality. I can't say that this happened that caused me to think like this, which made me do this.

As children we're taught history as nice causal links of events: "this man got assassinated... which pissed off this country... which made them write a snotty letter to this country ... and then there was a great big war".

We all know that real life isn't like that, either in the scale of international history or at the granular, human, level. Every event is triggered by a whole bunch of other events, you can't draw simple lines of causality.

There's a concept called Steam Engine Time, invented by Charles Fort, who said "in steam engine time, people make steam engines".

The steam engine was invented two thousand years ago, but it was seen at the time as little more than a toy. Over the centuries the idea was developed but never really took off. There were several attempts to make steam do work, some more successful than others, but no-one really took steam power seriously. Then in the late 18th century James Watt invented the Watt Steam Engine and steam energy "took off", fuelling the industrial revolution.

The point is, that Watt didn't invent steam power. It had been discovered over and over again throughout history, it's just that the world wasn't ready for it. There wasn't a pressing need for machines that could do the work of horses or men, it was an idea "before it's time". When Watt invented his engine it was in a cultural and economic environment that was ready and waiting for the steam engine. It was "steam engine time".

Steam engine time is the most famous example of this phenomena, but I can think of hundreds of others. Modern technology is full of ideas that have been around for ages but suddenly and seemingly inexplicably become popular. And also there are lots of ideas that try to take off but are woefully before their time. Anyone remember the clunky and underpowered "virtual reality" headsets from the early 90s? The idea of VR was good, but environment (in this case the limited available technology) wasn't ready to make it happen.

Bringing this down to a personal level, I've been a transvestite all my life. Throughout my teens and twenties I'd experimented, on-and-off, with dressing up with bits and pieces of women's clothing, but it was always a side-line activity which never lead to anything. There were always other things to do.

Then, a few weeks after my thirtieth birthday, I got chatting online with a tranny called "Jade". I was a horrendously closeted tranny, she was a regular dresser who was getting bored of the whole tranny scene (she actually used the chat nickname "Jaded"). I was saying that I'd love to go shopping for girly clothes sometime (yes I really was that closeted) and she said "why don't you?"

It wasn't a trick question. And I didn't have a good answer. Why don't I just do it?

Within weeks I'd been out for my first ever "proper" shopping trip as a tranny, and bought my first false boobs! Shortly after that I got involved with the Angels, and through them decided that I wanted a makeover from the Boudoir. A week after my makeover I decided to go out on an escorted night out, also with the Boudoir. Within about 6 months I'd gone from a hopeless closet case who'd never even been fully dressed en-femme to an "out" transvestite with a wardrobe of clothes.

Jade didn't make me do it. It wasn't the shopping trip. It wasn't the Angels. It wasn't the Boudoir. It wasn't the passing of my thirtieth birthday. It wasn't because I'd had a pay rise and lots of spending money. It was all these things, and many more. My life and environment had reached a point where it was time to let Becky out of the closet. I'd reached my own, personal, Transvestism Time.

Oh, and it doesn't show any sign of ending.

Halloween...

...the one time a year we all get a chance to dress up in any costume we like with no fear of recrimination. In other words, Christmas for Trannies.

The American tranniesphere is already abuzz, Emily is showing off potential outfits, and Katherine has carved a great jack-o-lantern. Trannies are always looking for an excuse to dress up, and as excuses go Halloween is pretty much a no-brainer.

Actually, the last time I dressed up for Halloween was about 25 years ago, and it was probably as the default "ghost" look. The design is simple: take one of Mums's old sheets, cut two eye holes.

The sheet was always about a metre too long, and the eye holes were always far too far apart, which (combined with the fact that I was wandering around in the dark) resulted in the village being terrorised by a very short and extremely corporeal phantom who kept bumping into things and falling over.

I grew up in a village which was right next to an American air base, which we used to sneak onto at Halloween to trick-or-treat, because the families there always gave out a lot more sweets. Security wasn't quite as tight on air bases in those days! There was a rumour at my school at the time, which I wasn't inclined to disbelieve, that once a year the US Air Force sent over a Galaxy full of candy bars to the air base, just for Halloween!

Anyway, I haven't had the opportunity to dress up for halloween since, but that dry patch will end this weekend because I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Sophie's place. The theme is "Dead Famous", and I've been wracking my brains to think of who I could go as.

I've just thought of someone. It's gonna be great. :-)

Not run of the mill

Warning, this posting contains scenes of extreme Englishness from the outset.

This autumn has turned out to be remarkably pleasant, with several warm and sunny weekends even into late October. Today we decided to make the most of yet another sunny day and headed out to a nearby water mill in Houghton, Cambridgeshire.



It's a beautiful place and I got some quite nice pics. Here's one of a rather time-worn fire escape...



And a close up of a adolescent cygnet who allowed me to get quite close before he went off in a strop (typical teenager).



Despite it being nearly November, there's still colour to be seen in nature...



After some mild exertion, a trip to a local pub for refeshment...



And just when you think things just can't possibly get more quintessentially English, you see a damp dog that's had a nice swim and is now a bit bored waiting while it's wellies-and-wax-jacketed owner tucks into a pub lunch.



Perfect! If you can take any more, I've posted some more pictures here. I'm off to heartily sing Jerusalem to myself in the bath.

All together now... AND DID THOSE FEEEEEEET...

Men's Clothes

This picture sums up my opinion of High Street male fashion.

...grey, grey, beige, grey, brown, a bit blue, grey, beige, beige...

Magazine mind-mapping

Selina's Universe	=	New Scientist
Karol Cross	=	Hello!
DragNet	=	Face Magazine
Tranniefesto	=	G2
Just Jessica	=	Just 17
Clarissa Explains Some of It	=	Sunday Telegraph
Joanna's Diary	=	Nuts
Slothblog	=	The Lady
Charlotte's Web	=	Guns and Ammo

(ymmv)

Passing, and passing off

I suppose I should start by explaining the Austen-esque heading. There's passing, which in a tranny context means "appearing to be female without arousing suspicion"; and then there's passing off, which means to misrepresent something or someone as something else.

Take a look at this screen shot. Notice the problem?

No, it's not the adverts for "deluxe authentic vaginas" or "feminine hormone bottom cream" (the mind boggles), this is the Transformation web site after all and we should expect to be flogged wildly overpriced (and utterly useless) items such as this. No, the problem is this person "Alison" is using my picture on her personal ad! He's not even bothered to trim out the photo border effect I add!

I suppose I should be flattered that they chose my image to represent themselves online. But I'm not. In fact I'm bloody annoyed about it. Two emails to Transformations and one to the person in question have met with no reply. This had annoyed me even more.

I suppose I should expect no more from Transformation. After all, this is the company that regularly passes off pictures of genetic women as examples of the results of their "feminizing products"; when any tranny with an ounce of intelligence knows that their only chance of looking that good is if someone invents brain transplantation and uses trannies and glamour models as guinea pigs.

The trouble is, sadly, that so many trannies don't seem to have an ounce of intelligence. Tranformation's customer base doesn't show any signs of drying up.

There is a certain class of tranny that is completely unwilling to put in any effort to look feminine. I can understand why to a certain extent. I admit that it must look disheartening to a cross-dresser who wants to be a bit more passable when they look at pictures of "established" t-girls online. Transformation offers an easy route for these guys: "rub this snake-oil on your skin and you'll look like THIS! [insert generic picture of a skinny genetic girl model with her very real norks out here]".

For the tranny (and I use this word in it's loosest sense of the term) who doesn't even want to try to look like a girl in real life, and just wants a bit of "cyber fun" there's an even easier route: steal someone else's pictures and pass them off as your own.

The canny tranny will use the pictures of a good looking but not too well known trans-person that they've found online, which is why Alison was stupid to pick me. Yes of course I'm fabulous looking ;-), but I've already received 3 emails from complete strangers saying "did you know someone's using your pic on this site?".

The tranny with real balls and no intention of ever being found out will use a picture of a genetic girl, preferably some lesser-known fashion model. It's even better if you get a few dozen pictures of the girl in different poses and situations, 'cos then you can invent a little fantasy life for your online persona. "This is me riding on my prize stallion", "here's me washing my hair in the waterfall at the bottom of my 5 acre garden", and so on.

For a tranny like me who's spent a long time and a lot of money in an effort to get some pictures they can be proud of online, this is particularly galling.

On blanking, and the Clark Kent Effect

I met Jane's friend Charlotte for the first time last night (in "boy mode") which was nice.

It's always strange meeting trannies in person for the first time, especially when you're used to seeing their online girly persona. Charlotte, like many of us wig-dependent trannies, looks strikingly different in boy mode than she does in girl mode. It's the element of disguise that a wig gives that makes us less reticent to put our pictures on the net. For example, I doubt that I'd recognise Charlotte from her pics if I knew her other half, particularly as he wears glasses!

There is a definite "Clark Kent Effect" with glasses-wearing trannies. A few trannies I know only wear glasses when they're in boy mode, presumably because it's expensive to buy girly frames, whereas contact lenses are unisex. So the morning a once the wig and make-up comes off and the glasses go on, the transformation between "girl" and "boy" is even more striking.

Charlotte was hard to spot as a boy, but I suppose I should feel thankful that I didn't have to guess who he was!

I have a big big problem with "blanking", you need to know this.

If I've never met you in person, and some time in the future you come up to me and say "hi", I think it's safe to say I will blank you. Please don't take this personally.

They say the human brain evolved so large to keep up with all the social interactions that we partake in. A large brain helped us recognise a large group of people, and how we stood with them socially (don't worry, I'm not going to start ranting about alpha males again!).

The thing is, my brain has evolved to remember a large group of people who I've met in person and who tend to look the same from one day to the next. It's not evolved to cope with a huge number of people who I mainly know as a cyber-entity (a web presence, or an email address or a chat-room nickname), and it's not evolved to keep track of a bunch of people who change their entire look more often than Madonna!

For example, a couple of years ago I was out in Manchester and this skinny Irish lass comes up to me.

"Hello I'm Siobhan."

"Oh... hi!"(Who the hell is this? Do I know? Should I know? Errrr.... switching to neutral banter mode.) "Good night isn't it? Love your outfit. Blahblahblahblahblah. Yeah sure I'll have a picture taken with you..."

A few days later I get sent the picture (or see it on her blog) and go "SHIT! That Siobhan!!"

Now, I've already apologised to her for this (on numerous grovelly occasions), but I've kind of worked out why this is.

1. Siobhan doesn't look in person like she does in her pictures.
   That's not an insult, because neither do I. In fact I'd challenge any tranny to keep up the pristine girly-girl look in a dark hot nightclub.
   
   
2. When I see "Siobhan" I hear "Shi-vawn", but when I hear "Shi-vawn", I don't think "Siobhan".
   This is a bit of a mind-bender, I realise. Basically I've got the mental subroutine that turns the written word into the sound, but not vice-versa. So meeting her for the first time I was floundering (Shivawn who?? I've never seen that name online!).
   
   
3. I'm shit and remembering names. And faces.
   Sums it up really. My brain hasn't evolved out of the lower primate stage. If I was in a woop of gorillas I'd keep getting beaten up by the silverback for not showing due respect. "Sorry, for dropping that coconut on your head boss... I thought you were Steve!"

This will happen to you too when you meet me , I promise, but at least you'll be in illustrious company. Your best bet is to start the conversation with a small potted biography of who you are and how you relate to me, and with any luck you'll watch as a smile of recognition slowly creeps across my face!

Of course, what's doubly cruel is that I often get trannies wandering up to me at events and say "hi Becky!", sounding for all the world like we're old friends, and sending me into "who the fuck is this?" mode for a few moments, until they reveal they've recognised me from my website and we've not even exchanged emails before.

The fear and panic I feel before I realise that they're just a "fan of my work" is only just compensated by the feeling of being a a great big tranny celebrity.

Only just!

Love in the 21st Century

Our eyes met across a crowded net... We found ourselves finishing each other's instant messages... She's got her own login account on my PC...
I'm in lo...

Yeah I know, that sounds really false and superficial. Online dating is, perhaps rightfully, looked on as somewhat pathetic.

I did meet Jane online, but because it was first via our respective blogs; and then via some tentative emails that were agenda-less and friendly; and then loads of real-life meetings; at no point has it felt like an "online" relationship.

If the Internet hadn't existed we'd never have met, probably. But then again, if the Internet hadn't existed I wouldn't be the type of tranny (or the type of person) that I am today. Over the last decade or so, the internet has shaped my life in numerous ways, nearly all positive.

They say that the jet engine shrank the world, but the world still seemed a big empty place when I was growing up a child of the jet age. If jet travel shrank the world, then the internet miniaturized it. All of a sudden the whole world was in a box in the corner of the room.

There were other trannies there, and all of a sudden rather than the drip drip of tranny culture I'd been subject to, I was encountering a deluge. I learnt from the Internet, among other things, how to cope with being a tranny and not feel wrong and dirty.

Once that was sorted, I could use it as a strength not a weakness. Through the internet I started making new friends, both tranny and straight. One friend has turned out to be very special indeed.

...I'm in love. :-)

nroP

I'd never considered this as worth reporting before, but as Jane found it funny the other day, I guess it merits a blog entry.

It was all sparked by a CD-ROM that came Sellotaped to the front of a digital photography magazine I'd bought. It featured "20 Fine Art Nudes", with one such nude featured "tastefully" on the cover. Jane spotted this laying on my computer desk and arched an eyebrow.

I explained that I'd bought the magazine to read up on Digital SLR techniques and stuff, and I really wasn't interested in pictures of girls in the nude, Fine Art or otherwise.

(As a side note: Why do photography magazines still seem to supplement their articles about lenses and focal lengths with soft-porn titillation? I thought that stuff went out in the 80s!)

Jane didn't seem convinced by my protestations, so I felt I needed to strengthen my defence with this example:

When I was a hormonal teenage tranny, I used to read porn magazines backwards.

Well, not the whole magazine, just the "photo stories".

You know the ones. They start with a picture of the secretary/farmgirl/debutant posing on a desk/hay bale/grand piano and over the following pages she's seen in increasing states of undress until, on the last full page spread, she's got all her bits out. They're usually accompanied by highly literate and witty commentary.

Such as "Hannah just loves taking dick-tation."

As a (mightily confused) teenage tranny I was a lot more interested in the exotic lingerie that the girls were wearing than their naked forms, and even the outfits they wore fully dressed held a lot of appeal. Those prim secretarial blouses and skirts! The shy debutantes in full-length frocks! The farm girls who always wore Daisy Duke shorts and hair bunches with gingham ribbons! Oh my!

So, I learned to start at the end and read backwards. Because that way the girls put these clothes on!

A slight insight in the working of the tranny mind, I think you'll agree. Jane seemed to find it highly amusing.

Then I told her about how at the time I was worried about my mum finding the stash of Razzles (yes I was that classy) and Playboys in my bedroom because I thought she'd work out I was a tranny.

By this stage Jane is laughing so much she needs to have a sit down. :-/

Look I was confused and repressed, okay? I thought that everything would give me away as a tranny! I realise now that when mum did find the stash (once or twice I'd find it neatly stacked under the bed after one of her "tidies"*), she probably actually thought she was raising a boy with normal tastes and a healthy sexual appetite.

She was half right. :-)

--
*The police should employ mums to tidy the rooms of suspected drug dealers, etc. They find everything.

Postcards from my desktop

Snapshots from an evening online, the tools I use, the places I go.

Bex n' Jane

She's great in front of the camera too. :)

Think Pink

Jane and I went to Angelic at the Pink Punters on Saturday night. It was nice to get out and about again, for the first time in what seems like ages!

I think I was the pinkest punter there. ;-)

I think someone mentioned the other day that I'd not taken any pics of me with my new camera yet. Consider that remedied, thank to a potential future David Bailey of the tranny world, Jane! She even remembers to get the feet in!

A math trick

1. Grab a calculator and a sheet of paper.
2. Key in the first 4 digits of your phone number. Multiply this by 40.
3. Add 1 and multiply by 250. Divide by 10.
   
4. Add your age at your last birthday. Multiply this by 15.
   
5. Draw a square on the sheet of paper and divide it into four smaller squares.
   
6. Draw a circle on a sheet of paper and write the first 3 digits of the number from the calculator inside the circle.
   
7. Enter the year you were born on the calculator and then subtract the number you've written in the circle.
8. Write the first four digits from the number that appears on the calculator into the 4 squares, one in each square, in any order.
9. Add up the two columns of numbers in the squares, and then add together the two totals. Enter that number into the calculator.
   
10. I'm just making this up as I go along, you know.
11. Add 150. Write that number on the back of your hand.
    
12. I bet you wish you'd read this far down before you started pissing about with calculators and pieces of paper.
13. Draw the number 22 on your forehead.
    
14. Take away 15. Divide by the number from step 7.
15. Subtract 10.
16. Take the top half of the number you have and multiply this by the number from step 1.
17. Write this answer on the sheet of paper.
18. Subtract 15. Divide by 10.
19. Take the first digit of this number and count down that many lines.
20. Count the number of letters in the first word of that sentence.
21. Add this to your result.
22. Recognise the number?
    

Uncanny huh!? I'd be interested in knowing how it works!

Overpackaging

My new compact flash card... and the box it came in.

I really like Dabs for their good prices and reliability, but someone really needs to talk to their packaging department!

My favourite price: free

I was virtually walking out of the shop with my newly purchased camera when the assistant said...

"Oh, hang on... I think you get a free printer when you buy that!"

She checked with her boss, and it turned out that I did get a free printer, which turned out to be this little cutey:



An Epson PictureMate. I had a play last night, and it's pretty groovy. It's solidly made, runs off great 10cm x 15cm prints, has little slots in the front for all kinds of storage media (or you can print directly from a camera or PC), and it has a handle so you can get prints "on the go". All in all, not a bad piece of work.

My computer desk is a little on the small side, so I'd gone without a printer on the principle that I mainly put pictures online, and if I need any prints I can go to a high-street developer. But this is small enough to slot in neatly out of the way under my desk.

I'd assumed since Jessop's were giving them away free that they'd be worth about 40 quid, printer manufacturers tend to make money on ink and paper consumables these days and printers themselves are sold as a loss-leader, but according to the Directory of Shiny Things (otherwise known as the Argos Catalog) it's worth about 150 quid!

I dare say you could get it cheaper than that if you shopped around, but you can't beat free! I'm quietly pleased that the shop assistant remembered to mention it before I left, because I'd have been none the wiser.

Artifacts

Apologies in advance that this post gets a little bit specific and technical. I'm blogging this on the off-chance that some PhotoShop genius wanders this way!

I need advice with a rather strange PhotoShop problem. It's not particularly important, it's just bugging me.

Earlier today, I took this picture with my new camera:



Which I kinda liked, so I wanted to have it as a desktop pattern. I loaded it into Photoshop, and resized it to 1024 pixels in height, to fit the height of my screen. It looked good, but the blurred areas around the stems appeared to have a slight but noticeable mosaic effect.

At first I thought I'd accidentally turned off re-sampling when I resized the image, or some other basic setting. But everything appears to be fine.

Here's a close-up of the effect, I've added two "sharpen more" filters to emphasize it a lot more:



See the mosaic pattern?

Compare to the following picture has exactly the same processing done to it, but I resized to 1152 px height (exactly 50% of the original).



No resampling artifacts! In fact I think they only occur when the resampling is around the 1024 pixel high range (or about 44.44% of the original size).

Has anyone else who uses PhotoShop come across this?

Conspicuous consumption

My weekend was characterised by a couple of rather major outlays and some rather cool minor ones, as well as some quality time with the lovely Jane of course. :-)

Firstly on Friday I finally got round to buying an ADSL Router, because I was getting tired with my crummy Zoom USB ADSL modem blue-screening the system every other time I shut down the PC. I now have a rather smart wireless NetGear ADSL Router.

I decided to get a wireless one cos it was a only a few more pounds, it will future-proof my setup a bit, and I'll up with the Joneses at the office. So I now have home wireless network that runs from here where my PC is, to herewhere my ADSL router sits. About 10 centimetres gap. Kinda pointless, but groovy¹.

On Saturday night, having finally decided that Kinky Boots really didn't warrant a cinema trip, Jane and I went to see Curse of the Were Rabbit instead. It truly is superb, funny all the way through and not the disappointment it so could easily have been once American money got involved with something so quintessentially English.

Also went on a small CD-buying frenzy and brought home Franz Ferdinand's new one (very good if a little samey in places), The Best of the Beta Band (not heard fully yet but the live CD half is good), and "A Final Hit", Leftfield's Greatest Hits compilation, which is excellent and highly recommended. If I wasn't lazy I'd set up links to all those on iTunes and I'd get a kick-back if you ordered them. But lets just say if you do buy any of those CDs on the basis of my recommendation, you give me a quid the next time you see me and we'll call it quits, okay?

Lastly, but far from leastly... I bought this little beastie...



Yarr!

I've been wanting an SLR for ages but knew deep down I didn't deserve one because I wasn't that good a photographer. But recently I've been looking at some of my pictures on Flickr and thinking "actually I'm getting quite good at this photography malarky". It was time to stretch myself a bit.

I bought a "What Camera" type magazine to read at Jane's on Saturday. My technique for buying New Expensive Things will be familiar to anyone who's seen Andy and Lou on Little Britain.

Jane: So which Digital SLR camera are you going to buy then?

Me: That one! [Pointing in the magazine without looking]

Jane: But that's a photo of a Christmas bauble they put in to show picture quality....

Me: Yeah. I know.

Jane: It's not a camera at all.

Me: Yeah.

Jane: You just pointed at it because it's a shiny, didn't you?

Me: That. One.

Jane: [sigh] Okay...

Okay, so maybe I'm not that simplistic but I do tend to do a lot of non-specific research over a period of months, so that by the time I've bought a magazine I tend to already know pretty much what I want, and just need the magazine to confirm it. I tend to buy on gut feeling. Oh, and shininess.

In this case I knew I wanted a Canon, because I've loved Canon's ever since my original Digital Ixus (one of the first models) about 6 years ago. Which, incidentally cost about the same as my new Favourite Thing Ever, the Canon EOS 350-D!

Awww... it's SOOOOO nice! And exceptionally shiny!

I only got it today and I've already taken some good pics with it, these were from my first test today:





Not bad for a virgin effort with a new camera, I thought!

...

In the process of packing the box away, I've just taken a look at price on the sales receipt and needed to go and lie down in a darkened room for a bit...

I thought digital cameras were supposed to do away with dark rooms?

--
¹ Note to self - consider this as tagline for blog and/or life.

The Alpha Male Game

Set up a hide in a pub. You know, the kind of hide that you get in bird sanctuaries so that twitchers can perv at the herons without being seen.

You'll probably have to camouflage it with nicotine-yellow wallpaper and "My goodness - my Guinness!" prints in screwed-down frames, to make it properly blend in. Once you've done this and left it in-situ long enough for people to forget it's there, arrive early one evening, secrete yourself within, and wait for the action.

After a while men will appear, at first in ones and twos, then in larger groups, spreading out to fill their natural habitat. There'll probably be women there too, mixed in with the men, but we're not here to watch them tonight. Tonight, as Desmond Morris so camply put it back in the 70s, we're ManWatching.

See that group that arrived a while ago? They're all good, old friends, all laughing and joking. One of them is a bit louder, more animated than the rest. You notice that he's the one that seems more likely to decide the topic of conversation, and less likely to be the butt of any jokes. He's the "Alpha male" of that group. This has been decided long ago, and bar some occasional jockeying for position within the group, he's not going to be challenged.

More interesting is the group of men who don't know each other so well, and are mostly meeting for the first time. Here there's a very subtle game going on: who's going to be the Alpha Male? So subtle that they don't even realise they're playing it.

In more formal situations, the game often starts with the Hand Shake Round: who's got the strongest and most manly? Who can do it in a way that suggests "I'm strong enough that if I wanted to I could grind your knuckles together until you cry 'mercy!'"?

Then comes a long round of Manliness Top Trumps. There are several categories you can try to trump your competitors in, including "What Car Do You Drive?", where top-scoring cards show "something expensive, sporty and impractical, just had to have it", ranging through "something designed to go up mountains, but mainly used for ferrying schoolkids", bottoming out at "something that gets me from A to B, I'm not too bothered about cars, really".

You really don't want to play anything considered a "hairdresser's car", that scores negatively.

Running simultaneously with Top Trumps is the only round that's actually recognised as a round: What's Everyone Drinking? Lots of Man Points for strong lagers or real ales (unless bought in a half-pint, which scores negatively), less points for anything with a mixer, a few for wine, none for soft drinks.

The main point of the game is to make the most of the cards you've been dealt, while simultaneously deriding the choices of others using skills learned and honed back in the playground, where the credo was "anything different is wrong and should be mocked".

After a while the Man Points are mentally totted up by each player, and the winner is decided. This guy is going to be the Alpha Male of the group, he'll get to make most of the group's decisions from then on.

I've played this game many times, and I hate it.

I suspect I'm not alone in this, and would find a lot of even "straight/non-tranny" men who'd agree with me. There are a lot of men for whom masculine posturing just isn't important.

The trouble is, however much I hate this game, I still find myself playing, afraid to forfeit. I should just lay my cards on the table at the start and say "look, I drive a basic car, hate football, and don't spend time at the gym working on a killer handshake, you can play the game if you want to, but I'm off to the bar for a vodka and diet Coke."

But I don't, I end up joining in, drinking pints because that's what everyone else is doing. Or pretending to have a passing interest in Sven's decisions in last night's friendly. I end up not being me and I hate myself for it, and it's at those moments I start to really wish I was out with a bunch of trannies.

That's not to suggest that trannies don't play the game, because basically we're still blokes. It's just when you're out with a bunch of trannies you are all carrying a trump card. The "yes but, you're wearing a dress" card.

"Decided to come in the Maserati tonight, the wife wanted the BMW and the Range Rover's in the garage."

"Yes but, you're wearing a dress."

Is how it's played, do you see? The thing is everyone knows that everyone's got the card, so no-one gets to play it. No-one gets to be the alpha male because everyone forfeits before they started. It's normally a recipe for an evening of conversation that doesn't revolve around cars/football/breasts or whatever the alpha male decides to make it revolve around.

I'm not pretending this is something that's unique to tranny get-togethers, or that tranny get-togethers are always home to enlightened conversations about the arts and sciences, but just that it's the best way I've personally found to get myself into circles where the Alpha Male Game is rarely, if ever, played.

Transpocalypse Update

The response to Transpocalypse has been impressive and I've already had a load of people email me to say they're coming to the first ever Tranny Blogosphere (Tranniesphere) night-out. If you're coming to the meal part of the evening, and you've not let me know personally via email, please do so as soon as possible so that you can be sure you're not left off the list. I'll be sending around details about the meal and other stuff soon.

A few people have contacted me to ask about hotels too, so you might want to sort out a place soon before they fill up. Details are on the invite page, I'm staying at the Ibis.

If you're not sure what the Tranniesphere is, Siobhan (who will be there on the night, naturally!) has posted an explanation of it's origins.

My friend Jessica is also coming and is even thinking about making special t-shirts!

So far we've just gone over the 20 places I've booked at the restaurant, but they're flexible so if you if you want to come, and you're linked to or part of the Tranny Blogosphere, get it touch!

"Interestingness"

A while ago Flickr added a whole new way to sort pictures. As well as being able to see which of my pictures are "most viewed" and "most commented on", I can see which ones Flickr considers "most interesting".

To work out "interestingness" Flickr uses an algorythm (which they keep fairly secret) that factors in lots of things, such as the number of time's it's viewed, who's viewing it, and how they came to view it.

I find it fascinating seeing what it decides are my most "interesting" pictures, and it seems to change every few days, and working out what made the picture stand out is sometimes a challenge.

At the moment this is my most interesting photo on Flickr:



A great picture of Sophie, showing off her pins and a makeover done by moi. It's only had about 900 views, but 5 people have marked it as a fave which Flickr seems to weight highly in it's algorythm.

Next up is a picture of Jessica...



One of the other things that I've read that Flickr factors in is pictures that get clicked on first when a viewer is presented with a set. I think the "ooh look... pinkness!" factor is responsible for putting this pic so high on my list. Plus the fact that she looks stunning in that outfit of course.

It's not until we get to my third most interesting that I turn up!



It's definitely not my fave. Kinda kinky, and I guess I get loads of people hitting it because of that. But not my best self-portrait, by far.

Way down at number 29 is my first non-tranny pic, which is a little disappointing. Would be nice for some of my my general pics to score a little higher.



And, actually that picture does have two trannies in it, and it's bloody Sophie and Jessica!

Thank you for flying Becky's Web

I'm aware that sometimes blogs can be a little "opaque" to new readers, so it's nice to occasionally write a little "Hello this is me" post to introduce myself and what this site's about. So...

[microphone static]

Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Becky, and I'll be your transvestite webmistress for this site. My co-pilot today is Simon (who's actually me too, just not wearing girly clothes) and we'd both like to welcome you aboard this Becky's T*blog entry, which is bound to... wind up a few people before it ends. The weather today in King's Lynn is a bit cloudy with scattered showers, and the time is coming up to 1 PM. We'll shortly be clearing the pre-amble and taxiing to the main meat of the the blog entry, so please ensure your seat-belt is fastened and your chair is in the upright position.

If you've never been to a transvestite blog before, please read the following announcement as it contains important information for your safety and comfort. Even if you're a regular reader please pay attention as transvestites are fickle and I might have changed my mind about some things since you last read.

If you look in the compartment to the left, you will find a selection of documents explaining a bit more about who I am, as well as some nice pictures of me.

In the event of sudden, unexpected depression a load of stupid/funny stuff will drop down from the compartment above your head. Quickly browse these pages and allow yourself to enjoy them, laughing normally. Take care of your own gratification before helping those around you.

There are two main exits from the site, which are clearly marked here and here. In the event that you want to ditch this site, please leave calmly via the exit nearest to you. If you're wearing high heels, good for you!

If you are visiting this transvestite blog before moving on to other lifestyles, you are not required to fill out a visa application. However if you intend on becoming a transvestite, please speak to one of the cabin crew who will give you the necessary documentation to complete.

Once again I'd like to thank you for choosing Becky's Web today, I hope you enjoy your visit and look forward to seeing you again in the future.

[microphone static]

Cabin crew, doors to automatic and cross-check...

And it's good night fr...

... no I won't do it!

Ronnie Barker died today, which is very sad. He was a great great man, and is responsible for a hell of a lot of laughs when I was growing up. He was an absolute gem and a comedy genius.

But not since Britney Spears got re-married* have I seen so many people go for the Easiest Headline Ever.

If you're thinking of blogging about Barker, and I urge that you do, might I suggest you use one of these headlines? (Thanks to Jo for some of these.)

Now it's ONE Ronnie. Fairly obvious.

Fletch Dies. You have to have heard of the film "Fletch Lives" to get this one.

Purple Ronnie. Okay, I admit it. That is bad taste.

Funny one dies first, again. As it always seems.

Just some suggestions. Feel free to use them, or make up your own!

*work out the headline yourself

Godwin's Law

How dare Mike Godwin make a law to control hyperbolic analogies on internet forums! I tell you, it's worse than Nazi Germany!

I came across Godwin's law in a random wikitrawl the other day, and it's actually quite good. I think that it could be modified for online tranny forums.

EnVérité's (first) Law would be something like: The moment an debater plays the "TS vs. TV" card on a tranny forum the thread is immediately ended and the perpetrator should be seen to have lost the argument.

Any chance of that being widely adopted? :-)

How to see the old woman

Seems that a few people have been frustrated by being unable to see the old woman in the picture I posted yesterday. So for benefit of Jane, Rachel, Clair and anyone else: here is the "Annotated Old Woman".



Does that help? Don't blame me if you still can't see it, or that the old woman looks a bit wonky. I didn't invent it, it's a famous optical illusion that's been around since 1888!

[Waits for posts from people complaining they can't see the young woman now.]

Flip

Do you recognise this classic optical illusion? Look at it one way and it appears to be a beautiful woman, looking to the left and away from you, her eyelash just visible around the curve of her cheek.

Look at it another way and it appears to be an old crone looking towards you, with a large nose and a pointed chin. See it?

The point I want to make is you can't see them both at the same time. You can see one, and then your perception "flips" and you see it another way.

My brain seems to work in a similar way. One minute I see something one way, the next something flips and the same thing seems completely different. Sometimes it flips back, sometimes it doesn't.

Take as an example Second Life. When I first ventured into this online world my first impressions were it was a glorified chat-room with pretty pictures. It took me a while to "get" what it was about, and for a while it was a lot of fun. I allowed my pre-conceptions to fade and found a lot of pleasure in making things in the world, shopping for my virtual avatar, and meeting people in an unique online environment.

I was busy for a while and couldn't go in for a few days. Then the other day I logged back in and something had "flipped". The whole thing seemed pointless and aimless. I could make something, or go buy something for my avatar... but it wouldn't have any reality or meaning in the real world, so why bother? It's just a bunch of pixels on the screen, and I don't need to hammer my graphics card with a lot of fancy graphics just to chat to friends online.

The thing is, the fun exciting Second Life that I enjoyed a few weeks ago still exists, Siobhan, Miss K, and a few thousand other people will tell you that. I just can't engage with it any more. Maybe it'll "flip back" and I'll start enjoying it again. I don't know.

The same thing happens sometimes when I dress en-femme. I'll get done up to the nines, look in the mirror and see... Simon wearing a dress and makeup. The old crone instead of the beautiful woman. It used to worry me, especially as I'd made so much effort, but these days it doesn't. Because I know with any luck later in the evening I'll catch my reflection in a mirror, and ... flip ... there stands Becky. For a few brief seconds I'm given a broadband connection to all the joyous, sensuous, exiting, "girlish" feelings that make it all worthwhile. Moments like that are pure Tranny Crack , and I'm addicted.

It's my blog...

...and if I want to post superfluous pictures of me I will!

I could say that I had to do it to test my Flickr blogging interface but that would be a lie. :-D

The big picture

One of the reasons I started re-formatting my blog layout was I wanted more room in the middle column for decent-sized photos.

Like this one, from a set I recently uploaded. I was going through my cyber-shoebox of old photos and found some really great ones that I'd not yet put on Flickr. Hell, I'm paying for Pro, might as well use it! :-)

Flickr's default size is 500 wide, which necessitated re-sizing the whole blog up to 1024 wide. Which might piss off the 3% of my readers who use 800x600 screens. But I always hated those guys anyway. They smell.

Berliner was taken

I've tinkered with the format of the blog today. It's now in a more modern, slightly wider format, with a bigger font and more room in the main column.

I've decided to call the new design Hamburger, because if you knew what actually went into it you'd be disgusted. ;-)