Repetition is the least sincere form of flattery

Got this Flickrmail last night from some guy called "Deebonious":

hey hows it goin just wanted to tell u r one of the hottest tgirls i have evr seen i would love to chat with u if u would like to. thanks hope to here from u bye cuttie

Which is fair enough. I had no intention of writing to him, but flattering all the same.

And then just a few minutes ago I got another Flickrmail from him which reads:

hey hows it goin just wanted to tell u r one of the hottest tgirls i have evr seen i would love to chat with u if u would like to. thanks hope to here from u bye cuttie

Identical, right down to the spelling mistakes. Which kinda suggests he's just cutting and pasting the same message to a few t-girls and has kinda lost track of who he's already sent his fan mail to, doesn't it? :-)

CGImitation

What is it with CGI features that they seem to come in pairs?

It happened first with Antz, on it's own a good CGI film, but overshadowed by Pixar's A Bugs Life which came out almost simultaneously.

Then a couple of years ago audiences were less than impressed by Shark Tale, particularly since we'd had our fill of aquatic CGI in the form of Finding Nemo.

A tonight I was browsing the trailers in Front Row and came across The Wild, a Disney effort about a bunch exotic animals (including a giraffe and a lion) and the hilarity that ensues when they're lifted from the safe environs of a city zoo.

No, not Madagascar. This is different. Apparently.

I know these films have massive gestation times, but surely somebody could have peeked over the wall to see that not only were the guys at the next Silicon Graphics workstation making a similar film, but they were gonna get it in cinemas long before Disney was ready?

Norfolk Man

Norfolk Man, Norfolk Man,
Does whatever a Norfolk can.
Keeps his guns,
in a rack.
Shooting burglars in the back.
Look out!
Here comes the Norfolk Man.

Is he slow?
Listen mate,
His tractor speedo only reaches 8.
Take a look,
at the queue.
Fifteen cars between him and you.
Hey, there,
There goes the Norfolk Man.

To him, life is a great big rile up.
Whenever there's a pile up,
You'll find the Norfolk Man!

Shouty time

I'm really enjoying having Tom Baker as the "voice of text messaging" at the moment. In fact, I think it should be a trend to use more eccentric British actors on phone services.

Next candidate: Brian Blessed voicing the Speaking Clock.

"Hello! I'm Brian Blessed! At the third stroke, the time sponsored by me, Brian Blessed, will be: Ten. Fifteen. And twenty seconds. BEEP. BEEP. BEEEEEEEP."

Notes from the forefront of mathematical transgender research

Prompted by the last post, and after considerable research, I have determined that the tranniest number in existence is...

So, er, now you know.

Old Skool

Check out the antique calculator we found whilst clearing out some drawers at work!

Middle Earth Rhapsody

So a musical version of The Lord of the Rings has been released, to less-than-glowing reviews. Part of the problem, the critics say, is that they’ve tried to condense a huge three-volume work into one evening’s entertainment.

I say the problem is that they didn’t go far enough. Why not condense the whole thing into just one song? Much more convenient, I think you’ll agree.

Middle Earth Rhapsody
(to the tune of... oh you'll work it out)

(Enter Frodo)Is this the One Ring?
Or is this just fantasy?
Caught up in Big Things,
No escape thru invisibility.
Come on Samwise,
Put down your shears and fleeeee.
I’m just a Hobbit, I have no destiny.
But I need to run, need to go,
(Samwise)Right you are. Mas-ter Frodo.
(Frodo)The road goes ever on and on, doesn’t really matter to me…
To me.

(Enter Gollum) Gollum, I just killed my bro,
Put my hands against his neck,
Squeezed them tightly, now he’s dead.
Gollum, but I got the Ring,
And then I went and threw it all away,
Gollum, ooo-oo-oooo.
Didn’t mean to lose the thing,
If I don’t get it back, there will be sorrow,
My precious, my precious, nothing else really matters.

(Frodo) Too late, my time has come,
The ring is heavy on it’s twine,
Shoulder’s aching all the time.
Goodbye everybody – I’ve got to go.
Gotta leave the Fellowship and find the Cracks of Doom.
Mordor! Ooo-ooo-oo,
I don’t want to die.
I sometimes wish I’d never got this ring at all.

(All)I see a little silhouetto of a dwarf,
Saruman, Saruman, did you burn the Fangorn down?
Uruk-Hai and Witch Kings, very very frightening me.
Galadriel. Galadriel. Galadriel. Galadriel.
Galadriel and Frodo!
Magnifico!

(Strider)I’m just a ranger, nobody loves me.
(All)He’s just a ranger, with a long family tree.
Saving the lives of the Hobbits in Bree.

(Saruman)Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
(Ents)Hoom-hurrum! We will not let you go.
(Wormtongue) Let him go!
(Ents)Hoom-hurrum! We will not let you go.
(Wormtongue) Let him go!
(Ents)Hoom-hurrum! We will not let you go.
(Saruman) Let me go!
(Ents)We will not let you go.
(Saruman) Let me go!
(Ents)We will not let you go.
(Saruman) Let me go!
(Ents) No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
(Saruman)  Men of Rohan, Men of Rohan, Men of Rohan, let me go.
Barad-dur has put aside a place for me, for me, for meeeeee!

(Gollum)So you think you can trust me to lead you inside?
But I’ll take you to Her and then leave you to die!
Oh, Shelob, you’ll be eaten by Shelob.
Just gotta get up, just gotta get up the Long Stair.

(Frodo)No ring on my finger. Nine fingers, you see.
No ring on my finger...
No ring on my finger... not me.

The road goes ever on and on.

I watched too many crummy Sci-Fi movies as a teenager

Anyone been watching The Games on Channel 4? 

How cool would it be if the introduced a suprise extra event: "Stick Your Hand in a Hole in a Scary-assed-looking Tree Stump".

Peter Duncan would crap himself. :-)

Windmills

Saw this on the way to Jane's and couldn't help but stop and take a few pics.

That Tranny Budget Speech in Full

You might not realise this, but one of my duties as a member of the higher echelons of the Trannierati is to set the yearly budget for trannies in the UK. Everyone in the UK gets wall-to-wall media coverage of my budget speech, but for the benefit of my foreign readers, here's a transcript.

Mr Speaker, the last year has been a strong one for the Tranny Economy, with the first Sparkle doing much to strengthen the purple balloon and pin-badge industries. I stayed within my targets to keep breast inflation below the 38DD mark, and I kept within my "Golden Rule" that hem lengths should be at least 1 inch below the cut-off point for meat and two veg.

[cheers]

I am convinced that the height of heels is a cause for concern, and to that end in 2007 I will be introducing a stiletto tax. This will be 10 pence for the first three inches of heel, rising to 20 pence per inch above this limit. Heels of seven inches of more will be eligible for a "pratfall" tax of 50 pence per inch to cover the additional costs to the NHS resulting from heel-related injuries.

[boos]

I will continue to be vigilant to prevent the proliferation of trannies who post pictures online that look like Michael Elphick with tits... as I have said before, there will be no return to "Boon and bust".

[groans]

The tax on wine will rise by 4 pence a bottle, and on cigarettes by 9 pence a packet.

[solitary "FECK!"]

When it comes to the issue of trannie spending being siphoned off by unscrupulous tranny shops and mail-order firms, I will as always stick by my three watchwords: education, education and (...what's that word?... oh... can't read my own writing) education. All households in the UK with trannies under the age of 18 will be receiving in the next few days a leaflet entitled "Don't Go to Transformation, You Numpty".

This is a budget for pretty things. It is a budget that realises the importance of fluffiness. I commend this budget to the house.