The New Pornographers - Sing me Spanish Techno

I've been criminally bad at keeping up with my emails over the past couple of weeks (even worse than usual), so this little gem from Kath Adams nearly passed me by.

It's a music video featuring a great little tranny fantasy, and the music's quite good too. Thanks for the heads-up, Kath!

You realise that by blogging this by proxy, you're entitled nay required to come to Transpocolypse? ;-)

Feels just like when I wasn't famous

Repartee 53 features:

Before They Were Famous by Gillian
First nights out by Vicky Lee, Leah True and Becky EnVérité :-)

It's mainly my exploits as the only spitfire pilot to fight in the Battle of Britain in slingbacks, becoming the first tranny to visit China in 1972, and my pioneering work with Francis Crick to discover the structure of tranny DNA (it's vase-shaped). Basically nothing new if you're a true Becky fan, but might be interesting for completists. ;-)

Look how hard my pen is

One of the countless perks of working in healthcare... free pens from drugs companies!

I've had this one for ages, shows no signs of wearing out yet.

...

... my MiniCards from Moo came today!

I couldn't resist buying a full set on top of my freebie ones, and I'm glad I did, they're awesome!

These are Simon ones... now I need to buy some for Becky. :-)

Crap snaps

Sweeping statement: trannies should not be allowed to carry cameras on tranny nights out. Because they are shit at taking pictures.

Okay, so there are some notable exceptions, April being the one that most readily comes to mind, but in general there are more criminally bad tranny photographers than exceptionally good ones.

Case in point, there was a get-together at Pink Punters the weekend. I didn't go, mainly because I couldn't afford it, but it seems to have been the first big tranny event of the new season.

This has meant that I've gained an impression of the event purely from all the pictures of it on Flickr.

Evil Becky has tried to persuade me to reproduce some of the worst of those pictures, but I might get lynched so let's keep it no names, no pack-drill, okay? Lets just say there are some real horror shots in there. Badly framed, red-eyed, out of focus, uncropped and unflattering.

You'd think that trannies who spend ages trying to make themselves look great in their own pictures would have some sensitivity as to how other people look in their photos. The opposite seems to be the case.

I've come to a conclusion of why this is: it's a negative feedback loop.

Trannies get upset when someone takes a shit picture of them at an event, so they go out and take shit pictures of other people to get their own back. The shittier the better, it makes their own shots look good in comparison. The whole thing becomes a vicious downward spiral.

By the way, I'm going to be out at Trans-Mission in early October.

No photos! ;-)

Suspend disbelief

Replaced

There was a gap in the door, he never closed it properly. Through it I could see part of the bed, and the package that sat there. A slender unmarked padded envelope, with a bulge in the middle. We'd seen them before.

"Looks like we've got incoming," said Black Bob.

"What do you think it is this time?" I asked, straining to see the label.

"Could be anything, you know what He's like. Fickle."

"A new friend?" said Angelica. She was always after someone new to talk to. She used to talk to Blondie, but Blondie never talked to anyone anymore. Just sat in the dark at the back with her memories, and the dust.

I wasn't too sure. It was a different kind of parcel from the others. It made me nervous. I'd seen one like it before, a long time ago, but I couldn't quite remember where.

Then He came in. He grabbed the parcel and carefully tore it open. He pulled out the contents and held it up to light.

I gasped.

"It... it looks just like me."

"Another Noriko?" Black Bob said, disinterestedly.

"No, exactly like me," I said. "Same colour, same style, same everything!"

"Ah, damn. It's that time."

"What time? What's going on?" I asked. "Time for what?"

"It's not a new member, it's a replacement," Black Bob said, his tone even more dry than usual. "A replacement for you."

"But... but I'm his favourite."

"So was Blondie once, and Angelica. Hell, even I was favourite once. Favourites change."

"But..."

"Look at yourself, " Black Bob spat. "Not quite as shiny as we used to be, are we? Those monofilaments ain't exactly frizz-free anymore. Aren't you supposed to be 'Paprika'? I'd say it's more like 'Cumin' these days. Did you think it would last forever?"

"But I'm the one... the one that suits him best. His... favourite."

"There's a price to pay for being popular, kid."

"You mean?"

But Black Bob didn't have time to answer. I felt myself being lifted from my stand, in the best spot by the door. A brief glimpse of another me being put in my place. A few seconds of hurried movement and...

Falling... landing... looking up at a circle of light far above me... and then...

darkness.

Calling all Flickr Pro users

Got a pro account with Flickr?

Go get your 10-pack of totally cool personalised Flickr MiniCards from Moo, NOW!

It's a totally free promotion, they even pay for international shipping. First 10,000 customers only though, and like I said only for paid-up Flickr members.

I've just ordered my set, and I can't deny that I'm more than a little excited by it all. They look just so cute, each one with a different picture on. I've dragged myself from my sickbed just to tell you about it.

Meh... back to sickbed.

Damn you Katie Melua!

You're so middle of the road there's practically a white line painted on you. Your easy-listening ballads are so soporific they'd put Terry Wogan into a coma, and they're not even scientifically accurate!

And now you go and release a video for your latest single "It's Only Pain". A video in which you wear the most fantastically tranny outfit ever! Huge flouncy skirt! Puffy sleevy things! Wristy stocking things! Long false nails! Wonderfully overdone makeup! White lace up boots for cripe's sake!!



And if that isn't bad enough, you put a ballerina in the same video, in another outfit any self-disrespecting tranny would give their eye teeth to get into!

All this of course makes makes me watch the video obsessively every time it comes on telly, and end up actually quite liking the song. Of course, you planned this all along!!!

Damn you Katie Melua!!!!!

Jane

Just thought I'd blog this, cos it's a nice pic. :-)

I'm in Forbes!

...unfortunately not in the Rich List. :-(

I thought that the buzz about Hamster Sudoku had dried up, but it's still getting mentions! This time in an article about the ecomony surrounding mashups.

Flexing

This is going to be a rather self-indulgent post, but I wanted to talk about Tranny and TV a bit, and why it's taken over my blog to a certain extent.

Basically, because it's a lot of fun, and I'm learning new Things (damn I wish Siobhan hadn't trademarked "Stuff™").

I've always been interested in comic strips, I used to doodle them as a kid, but soon ran into a problem: I can't really draw. Certainly not any anything alive, and nothing to the standards of the experts.

As a child I used to do brilliant Heath Robinsonesque pictures of machines with pipes and valves and articulated arms, all patiently detailed and shaded. But when it came to figures and animals... meh. I kinda wish I'd persevered with it and taken life classes and stuff, but I wonder if there's even any innate skill there to develop anyway.

So cartooning lapsed as I got older. Then as a student I got involved with the drama society. In the first year we put on a revue-type show, and I wrote some of the sketches. That seemed to go down well, so in the second year I was commissioned to write and direct the whole Christmas play! That turned out to be a skewed remake of the Wizard of Oz, with a whole load of new characters. The actors who played the Munchkin-like characters had to shuffle around on their knees through the whole production. I'm probably personally responsible for a statistical spike in lower back problems in my age bracket.

It was all very studenty, but a huge amount of fun, and it taught me a hell of a lot about writing. It also gave me a lifelong love of writing dialog, and a lot of my creative writing since has taken that form.

Then recently I had the idea of doing a skit of the "Mac and PC" ads that Apple were running, but turning it on it's head. Rather than a pair of humans acting like machines, why not make it a pair of machines acting like humans?

At first I thought I could only achieve it with some form of animation. Then after tinkering about in Photoshop a bit I realised it would work as a comic strip.

The first one was very much a direct parody of an Apple ad, but when I finished it I thought of other things I could do with the same characters. Tranny and TV could be a way of talking about my opinions on TG culture in a different way, and even just "telling jokes".

It's strange, but I kind of knew straight away what they were like as personalities, and that they had "other things to say". Fuck, this is sounding pretentious. Bear with me, it gets worse.:-)

The fact that they're inanimate objects who can't move or emote is both a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because I don't have to draw anything (except maybe the odd KKK hood!), but it also means that all of the emotion has to come from the dialog. It's a challenge to get the dialog to convey everything I want to, but it's a challenge I'm relishing.

In a lot of ways it's similar to the act of writing a script. Except that instead of relying on the actors to express each line in the right way, I'm relying in many ways directly on the reader having a shared understanding of how the character would act. (I told you the pretentiousness would get worse!)

It's also enjoyable learning the "craft" of comic strips. Working out how to tell a story in a restricted amount of space (500 by 700 pixels, fact fans!). Little things. Like the way that TV slides across the full length of the panel in the latest strip. The words are deliberately all in one long line, and TV has to slide left-to-right because that's the way the text is read. Also, although the speech bubble's tail points to the far right, it's anchored at the far left, where TV would have started talking. Working out subtle things like that is immensely satisfying, for some reason.

Basically, the main motive for me having this web site is to occasionally flex my creative muscles, and Tranny and TV is just a new way of doing that. I'm not pretending it's the best thing since sliced bread, but it is something that I'm enjoying doing and sharing with you.

Whether you like it or not. ;-)

This is the kind of thing that pisses Scots off

Headline in the paper:

Digital Networks - What the UK can learn from its Scottish neighbours.

Erm, so did Scotland leave the UK and nobody tell me? I'd expect that kind of lazy "UK = England and Wales" thinking in a tabloid. But this is in the Guardian's education supplement!

Sexiererer

At last! My grant from the foreign office!

On a lonely planet spinning it's way to damnation, amid the fear and despair of a broken human race, who is left to fight for all that is good and pure and gets you smashed for under a fiver? Yes, it's Siobhan Sir Digby Chicken Ceasar!

Watch this clip before YouTube realise it's copyrighted, and then watch next week's That Mitchell and Web Look, because it's the funniest thing on telly at the moment by far.

All together now: dunderlunderdunderdundun...

Getting in touch with my inner tranny

We spent the weekend up in Derby with Shannon, Mini, Sophie, Thom et. al. and a jolly good time was had by all. As always it's great to catch up with those guys.

I didn't dress, but...

On the way up we stopped off in Grantham at one of those enormous ASDAs (that's Wal-Mart for overseas readers). It had a sizeable clothing section, and as I looked round I found myself having a strange thought:

Girls clothes are quite nice. I would like to wear them and look pretty.

Yeah I know what you're thinking, Transvestite in Wanting To Wear Girl's Clothes Shocker.

But the thing is, I've not had a thought like that in ages. I've always had fluctuations in my "levels of tranniness", but this current lull is of El Niño proportions. Sometimes I wonder if there's an end in sight.

That little thought was comforting. It was my Inner Tranny letting me know she's still there. It's funny to think that a few years ago I'd have probably the opposite reaction to discovering I'm not "cured" of TVism. Then I'd have been upset, now I'm reassured.

To Rebelrebel,

Oh really? Wallpaper eh? And I suppose you'd like me to do them in lots of convenient screen sizes too eh? Eh??

...

You talked me into it. ;-)

Household Appliances Wallpaper
1024 x 768 1280 x 960 1600 x 1200
1440 x 900

Just in case you thought I was kidding

Your FREE pull-out-and-keep not actually giant-sized but would probably look quite good printed out at A4 domestic appliances wallchart!

FREE!

Free newspaper with every wallchart

They were sold out of "Amphibians and Reptiles" today, so I had to buy "Weather Systems" instead. It came with a free copy of the Independant.

What is it with daily newspapers at the moment that they seem to all come with a free wallchart or poster? I was using them to decorate my new office, but I'm starting to run out of room. So now I'm just putting up the ones with funny names for things. Who could guess there would be a British garden insect called the "common cockchafer"?

Anyway, I think it all smacks of desperation, lazy thinking, and a paucity of ideas.

Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #8

Becky doesn't feel like blogging much, but that doesn't stop me! I'm Evil Becky, Becky's post-conjoined (left "sinister" side) twin. I answer the mail that she can't, or won't.

Ahmed writes:

hello sweaty... [SNIP]

Evil Becky replies:

Let me just stop you there, Ahmed.

Look, I know I shouldn't mock people who don't speak English as their first language, but calling someone "sweaty" is a really bad way to start an email. Our language is a curious thing, and while "sweety" is an acceptible term of endearment, change one vowel and you get something quite, quite different.

Honest mistake ... unless you think calling someone "sweaty" is a term of endearment. That would be just plain eww.

Uncomfortably numb

I've not been blogging much, of late. Apart from a fairly regular Tranny and TV strip, this blog has seemed pretty quiet.

I used to blog about what I felt. And that's part of the problem, I'm not really feeling anything at the moment. Just a strange indefinable numbness of emotion. Nothing is inspiring me to words, and it seems silly to force it.

Hopefully normal service will resume soon. Apologies in the meantime.

And yes, I do realise this is a blog entry about not blogging, and therefore the equivalent of about -1 standard blog entries.

First Contact

Star Trek - The Nerd Generation

I love trekkies. :-)

Starved of any current official Star Trek franchise, they've started to make their own episodes. God love 'em!

It's actually a hell of a lot of fun. We've already seen that Trek captains can be French, female or black, why not a geeky fat guy?

This episode (one of many in the "Hidden Frontier" series), is a classic time-travel episode. One of the golden rules of time travel in the Trek universe is that whenever you go back in time you always end up on Earth (presumably because the history of the rest of the galaxy is dull in comparison).

It features such pitch-perfect Trek lines as "The Titanic is somewhat of a hobby of mine". Another golden rule of Trekkie time travel is that no matter where they end up there's always one of the crew who studied that period as a hobby. "Actually, Captain, I used to build model Mongolian yurts as a child."

Anyway, I'm not mocking, I loved it. These guys are clearly having a whale of a time, and there's a certain tongue-in-cheek awareness of just how nerdy it is. Why else use the "Galaxy Quest" music as the show theme?

I'm off to the official site to download more. :-)

Now in Syndication

Sandiago Times: What we are in favor of is the legalization of the sex trade,” said Bianca Vidal, a spokesperson from the Syndicate of Transvestites.

An unique insight