Dammit, maybe I should think things through a little more before I blog them sometimes. I blame in part the strident mood I'm still in after the "Shrek 3 Indoctrination" episode, I was a bit too black and white about the whole thing, for which I apologise.
In a way, I was following on from my recent "Versions" post. The point I was trying to make (albeit badly) was that some trannies never get to the equivalent of my "1.0", i.e. actually getting out of the door "en-femme".
But one tranny's 1.0 is another tranny's 0.5, or as Jayne put it:
"I could maybe argue that your are not really going for it, unless you have your man bits cut off like what I did!"
Which of course is true, I'd be mad to argue that there's a "right way" to be a tranny, and I'd be even madder to suggest that
I was doing it the right way.
We all have this thing inside us to different levels, some need to express it more than others. We also all have different personal situations, so some of us are
more able to express it than others. As Kat says:
"Maybe it is enough for someone to live out a fantasy online and manage to hold things together - like a family, marriage."
Exactly. I hope that I've not given the impression that I think "dressing up" is the be-all and end-all, it's not. Everyone has to make their transgenderism "fit" in the best way possible with their other aspirations and the needs of the people they care about. I'm far more admiring of the tranny who curbs their dressing to avoid hurting others than I am of the tranny who selfishly puts their own needs first above all other things.
That's not to say that
all trannies who end being "selfish" about their need to dress have really any choice in the matter. It's a sad fact that because of the varying levels of transgenderism, and the varying types of environment in which transgendered people find themselves, there's always going to be an element of "hard luck" involved.
Every one of us are given two dice, red a blue.
Roll the red dice, that's your tranny score. The number represents the level of transgender expression at which you'll be happy.
Roll the blue dice, that's your environment score. The number represents the level of transgenderism you can express in your situation without problems.
If red is less than or equal to blue, well done! You've won the tranny lottery, you can be just as much of a girl as you want to be.
If red is more than blue, hard cheese. You want more than you can do without changing your lifestyle. You're either going to have to compromise or do things that will hurt those around you.
Some people roll low on both scores, they can't get away with much but they don't want much anyway. Maybe just chatting with other trannies online, or maybe a girly avatar in some online forum, is enough for them. That's fine, I don't have any problem with that.
The kind of person I was describing as a "vaportranny" are the ones that constantly profess to wanting to go so much further than they have, when actually they're happier where they are.
Look at it this way, if I were to say "I really want to live full time as a woman but my work/home life doesn't allow me to", some trannies who
are living full time would quite rightly point out that they were in exactly the same situation and had to make some painful choices to get where they were.
In the same way I get annoyed when I hear closeted trannies bemoan the fact that they can never get further than they are because of their wife/overall manliness/work situation/whatever. The fact is, if they
needed to do more, they would. They're just using those things as excuses to maintain a status quo that they're actually quite happy with.
Spot the difference between these two sentences:
"I wish I could dress up, but my wife hates it."
"My wife's wishes are important to me, so I choose not to dress up."
They both say basically the same thing, but the first one demonises the wife and places the blame for the decision on her shoulders, whereas the second one shows someone taking responsibility for their own choices, and shows that the reason they're not dressing is because they value the relationship with their partner.
Far too often I see trannies slip into language like the first example, blaming outside factors for the situation they find themselves in. When really they should be
proud that they are able to moderate their activities to fit in with other things that they find important, and also thankful that they don't have the overriding urge that some trannies are cursed (or blessed?) with that forces them to ride roughshod over other's feelings to achieve their aims.
Another two sentences:
"I could never go out... because I don't pass."
"I don't go out... because I wouldn't be happy dressing in public unless I passed."
Again they both say basically the same thing, but the second one is being honest about the
reason you don't go out, rather than using the inability to pass as an excuse not to go out.
The bottom line is if you
need to go out you do it anyway. You do it if you've got size 14 feet, or if you duck to get through doors, or (like me) your tummy needs a little help to stop it sticking out further than your fake boobs.
Why is all this important? Because I worry that "new" trannies come online and find forums full of trannies bemoaning the fact that they're "trapped" in situations beyond their control, and they think that
moaning is what trannies do. When actually we should all be trying to show how we're all making the best of the cards we were dealt (or to keep the earlier analogy, the dice we were rolled) and take responsibility for, and be
proud of, the decisions we've made.
Oh, and the other terrible thing is the way your heels sink in the mud (Glastonbury must be torture for trannies this year).
And, there is turning up in the park to see the act you were looking forward to is just leaving the stage.
And, and trying to get to the loo...
You did look great, and thats official!
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