Keep it real

Check out this video from the guys who did the Mentos-in-coke thing a while ago.

Pretty amazing huh? It's impressive not just for the visual imagery, but because you appreciate how much effort goes into making something like that happen for real and not just faked digitally.

We've got so used to jaw-dropping digital special effects this past decade-or-so that they just don't cut it for us anymore. Computers can show us anything we can imagine, but our eyes are still able to spot the tell-tale flaws (or lack of flaws) that separate a CGI effect from real life. That's why film-makers seem to be increasingly relying on producing genuine effect-free spectacles for us to wow at. You can see it in the films of Michel Gondry and Garth Jennings, and increasingly advertisers seem to be using the technique too.

Which is fine when done well, like the ads by Sony and Honda. I love those ads, but there are pretenders that really grate on me every time they appear on TV.

Two examples of adverts that have tried and failed to jump on the "reality" bandwagon.

• The Guinness ad that showed a village apparently setting up an elaborate domino-effect system that involved cars and burning haystacks, finally making a glass of Guinness out of hundreds of books. Fakey Mc. Fake Fake. Filmed in segments, didn't really happen. Hated it.
  


• The recent Cadbury campaign involving airport vehicles in some kind of race. Except that they obviously weren't real vehicles, and airport tugs can't jump in the air like that, and since when does an airport have a line of very tall floodlights alongside the runway? And don't get me started on them ruining the "Gorilla Drumming to Phil Collins" advert by blatantly re-editing it to make it look like he's drumming along to some fucking 80's power ballad. If I was that gorilla I'd sue for defamation of character. Er... but I digress.

Pseudo-realism. It's probably just me that gets annoyed about it, and I can't put my finger on why. Probably because I don't like the feeling that I'm being lied to.

In which case, I should probably stop watching adverts.

Fan art

Kristina Roberts, who would definitely have won a BeckysWeb Badge (if I gave out such things) for her previous artistic submissions has once again fired up Photoshop and created for me... well, it's best if you take a look.

Of course I'm flattered at the "tribute", even if it is of course non-canonical (TV's backside doesn't look like that, believe me I've seen it) it's still nice to see such effort...

But if I ever meet her she's going to get a slap.

She knows why.

I'm sorry, but... WHAT?

The "long tail" of previous posts on this blog is a pretty quiet place, but once in a while someone will see fit to comment on an ancient post, normally unnoticed by anyone but me when I get the email notification. I read them all (of course) but don't usually feel the need to expose the comment to the glare of publicity at the sharp-end of the blog.

Except today, when I got this gem:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Keep Transvestism for Transvestites!":

I think transvestites should stick to LBGT venues only, really concerns me that men in frocks are out in the public in women only spaces. I could understand years ago there was no places to go but now loads. Transexuals dont want to be confussed with Tranvestites by the public if read!!! I think transvesites should be banned from the public , i have more enough reasons that I dont want to give details on . I want a safe world for all women and transexual women !!

It's been a while since I frequented the tranny forums, so I don't come across this kind of fuckwittery very often, so it was actually quite nice to see a good old-fashioned bit of bonkers-in-the-nut holier-than-thou-TS bigotry.

Unless it's a parody, like the piece being commented on. In which case, well done you, anonymous. You even managed to get the double exclamation point at the end like a true mentalist. I doff my hat to you.

Still Not Famous Enough Syndrome

Sophie H wrote: Going to show my ignorance now Becky, but how do you find out if your photos are being pilfered.

Fairly simply Sophie, people write to me to tell me that they've seen my pictures somewhere. In this case, a friendly Belgian blogger. There's no magical image-matching Google search, although that would be cool.

Every time it happens a little Tranny conscience appears on my shoulder (you know, the ones that look like a tiny version of you with angel wings), and shouts "woohoo! We're so pretty that people want to be us!"

And then a devil (which always kinda looks like Siobhan) appears on my other shoulder and screams "but not bloody famous enough or they wouldn't steal your bloody pictures!"

2% of all Beckys in circulation "fake"

The body that governs all trannying in the UK (The Royal Mince) has revealed shocking statistics that show the number of fake Beckys in current circulation to have doubled in the last five years.

Experts believe that the forged Beckys are being produced in Europe, where the public's familiarity to the more common EuroTranny has meant that British trannies have become a more attractive target for solo criminals.

External link: an example of a Dutch forgery.

How to spot a fake Becky

• Closely examine unnaturally shiny and new-looking Beckys, the real Becky is usually more jaded in appearance.


• Examine any associated website for poor-quality writing.


• Bite one corner of the Becky. If it screams "Oi! Stop f*cking biting me!" you're almost certainly dealing with a real Becky.

Commentators have suggested that the real Becky needs increased circulation to restore confidence in the standard. The real Becky thinks the commentators need to get out more.

(Thanks to Virginia Janssen for very kindly pointing out the latest pilferer of my pics. If any Dutch-speaking readers want to confront "Monique" on my behalf, feel free!)

Another reason I'm annoyed that Tranniefesto no longer exists...

... it means I can't guffaw at Siobhan getting really really annoyed at dumb trannies asking why she didn't wear a big pouffy dress to her wedding. :-)

But anyway...

Congratulations Graham and Amiee. Wishing you many years of happiness and Stuff™. :-D

Falling off the wagon

Despite our differences, there's one thing that most people like me seem to agree on: that it's impossible to entirely keep it under control and bottle it up. If you do, it's liable to burst out unexpectedly and uncontrollably.

I must admit that just recently I'd been trying to deny my innermost urges, knowing that it was too expensive (monetarily and emotionally) to keep pandering to them. But my fetish found ways to escape, I found myself looking at niche websites again, living vicariously through other's experiences.

And then, yesterday, after a night alone in a hotel room with nothing to do other than reading specialist blogs, I couldn't take it any more, the dam burst.

I went out and bought a new shiny thing.

I know I've always protested that I don't want to make any life-style commitment, but I think it's time to be honest with myself. I think I might be Jobssexual.

Game Theory

I don't buy computer games very often (hey, I use a Mac) but I'm looking forward to getting Spore tomorrow, because it looks like another stroke of genius from Will Wright, the creator of SimCity and The Sims.

SimCity broke new ground way back in 19-can't-be-arsed-to-Google-the-year by being a software toy first (a simulation of a city) and a game second (how big a city can I make? and what happens when I send a great big bloody monster down main street?!)

It was a pattern Wright repeated with The Sims, which was a software toy built around theories about how architecture and environment influence human happiness and lifestyle. They then slapped a big dolls-house "living soap" kind of game over the top of it, but at it's heart it's just a clever simulation toy.

Wright's games do something that few other computer games do, they actually use the power of a computer, i.e. to do stuff other than chuck polygons at the screen. They make the computer think, and as a result they make the player think too. For example, before I played SimCity I had no understanding of the complex interplay of industry, commerce and populace in a modern city; and before The Sims I didn't realise how important a proper breakfast is to getting a job as an astronaut.

With Spore, I'm hoping to learn the ideal number of legs a plucky young lifeform needs to conquer the galaxy, but we shall see.

For the last few weeks, I've been playing around with the Spore Creature Creator, which costs a mere £5 to download (or completely free for the trial version) and is an awesome amount of fun. And it's even available on Mac! I urge you to have a go.

Once you get bored of creating dinosaurs and giant perambulatory penises (everyone does it) you can have a go at creating truly unique creatures, or truly derivative ones. I had a crack at making Great Atuin. But my ambitious plans to include the elephants and discworld, meant I ran out of bits before he was finished.

Looks kinda cute though...