Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #9

Mwahahahaha. Evil Becky here, Becky's nefarious identical twin. Nobody knows why I went evil, it was probably because I was given exactly the same name as my sister except for the word "Evil" at the beginning. That'd screw anyone up.

Anyway, on with my bulging sack (fnarr) of mail wot Becky's too polite, demure and goddamn ladylike to answer herself. Names changed to protect the guilty, as per usual.

Dave Lea <daveandclare.lea@btinternet.com> writes:

hi becky,just seen your web page,
i have an ambition to sometime meet a tranny,
i very often come to kynns lynn,
txt me sometime on 07900XXXXXX
thanks dave,

Evil Becky replies:

Dear DLT,

Okay I might be jumping to conclusions here, Dave, but I'm guessing by "meet" you mean "have sexual relations with"; and by "ambition" you mean "all-consuming trouser-rupturing lust".

With that in mind, in future you might want to a) avoid putting your mobile number on emails to trannies who have dubious ideas with regards to privacy and own a website; and b) send that email from an address that clearly mentions your wife's name. Nob.

Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #8

Becky doesn't feel like blogging much, but that doesn't stop me! I'm Evil Becky, Becky's post-conjoined (left "sinister" side) twin. I answer the mail that she can't, or won't.

Ahmed writes:

hello sweaty... [SNIP]

Evil Becky replies:

Let me just stop you there, Ahmed.

Look, I know I shouldn't mock people who don't speak English as their first language, but calling someone "sweaty" is a really bad way to start an email. Our language is a curious thing, and while "sweety" is an acceptible term of endearment, change one vowel and you get something quite, quite different.

Honest mistake ... unless you think calling someone "sweaty" is a term of endearment. That would be just plain eww.

Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #7

Hello, Becky's identical twin here, Evil Becky. Becky's gone to the Spar shop or something, and stupidly she left her PC unlocked. So, as before, I've got free reign to answer her mail!

I. Bell writes:

Hi.
i found ur website
i am interested in meeting a transvestite...

i am 23/m/norfolk...where in norfolk are you near?
You could say i am bi-curious. I do have a partner whom i live with.

I have met a couple of dom females, mainly from escort agenices...

i am interested in bondage, dressing up, pvc, stockings, strap on etc + more

I would say im a novice, as i have only seen couple people, i am willing to
try anything that goes...

i have emailed you specifically as i am very curious to meet a
transvestite...

Please email back with prices and a hr session...and services you offer.

thanks

Evil Becky replies:

Dear Mr. Bellend,

Becky charges £50 for an hour, but doesn't go west of the Ouse after midnight. Her services are as follows:

• Tiling and Grouting
• Accountancy
• Holistic healing
• Quantity surveying
• Going round to the house of people who assume that just because she's a transvestite she's some kind of bloody prostitute and smacking them around the head with absolutely breathtaking force

I hope this answers your questions and look forward to quoting you for any work you might wish to be carried out in the near future.

Asshole.

Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #6

A. Bonin writes:

Becky, are u a guy wearing girls clothing?

Evil Becky replies:

Dear Mr. Boner,

Becky is busy hunting the web for vaguely Christmassy things to put on her advent calendar, so she's asked me (her evil twin) to answer her email.

I'm afraid to cover my overheads I'm instigating a policy of "cash for questions", $100 will get you the answer to that question, with each subsequent question costing an additional $50. So as you can see, the more dumb probing questions you ask, the cheaper it gets. I've sent you our PayPal instructions via email. Look forward to hearing from you soon!

Flickr Mail writes:

Hi Becky EnVérité, you are meat_me_in_back's newest cont...

Evil Becky replies:

BLOCK!!

Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #5

I've not let Evil Becky out her cell recently, and the dumb emails in my "waiting for reply" file have started to back up, so...

Terry writes:

Hi gorgeous, you are the sexiest TV on the web. I love all your pics, especially wearing boots ( as this is my fetish ). Do you have any risky pics?

Evil Becky replies:

Hmmm... I don't think so. Try Siobhan, she has some of her climbing a tree. That looked kinda risky.

Tina writes:

hi
could you give me the name and address of the chatline you work for thanks

Evil Becky replies:

The name and address? Do you want a job? I work for the NHS. Give them a call and say you love talking dirty to people down the phone.

Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #4

Eep, plenty of work for Evil Becky at the moment!

Chris writes:

WOULD JUST LOVE TO CHAT AND SEX WITH YOU ON HERE, YOU HAVE A SEXY LOOKIN BOD BABE XXX

Evil Becky replies:

Ah, all-caps again, the calling card of the moron.

I suppose chatting "on here" (if by "here" you mean the Internet) is feasible, but it's not gonna happen. To "sex" with me on the Internet isn't supported by the current protocols.

You'll have to wait for someone to implement sexual intercourse over IP. And, of course, for Hell to freeze over.

Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #2

Some more of my mail that I couldn't be arsed to answer. Over to my evil twin, Evil Becky.

Tod writes:
HEY SAW THE PICS . UR VERY CUTE. I AM A STRAIGHT MALE ( MAYBE BI) NOT SURE. STILL TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT. ANYWAY. UR SOO CUTE. GREAT PICS.!!!

Evil Becky replies:
Hey Tod. Let me help U out. If U think U may be bi you almost certainly R.

Dave writes:

HI BECKY LIKED READING YOUR STORIES AND LOVED YOUR PICTURES IM DAVE 35 FROM NEWCASTLE.BYE 4 NOW DAVE XXX

Evil Becky replies:
Whatever happened to writing in lower case? And using punctuation? And writing words in full? Text messaging has a lot to answer 4.

Evil Becky Answers Your Mail #1

I get so much post via my website that sometime it all gets too much and I have to let my identical twin answer my mail. The trouble is, like all identical twins she's irredeemably evil. She's also called Becky, but I call her Evil Becky just so there's a distinction. I'm the nice one, honest.

I don't mind answering intelligent emails from interesting people, in fact I love getting them. It's just answering the unintelligible emails from "interesting" people that causes me problems. So I'm going to give them to Evil Becky to deal with. I really hope she doesn't upset too many people. Names have been changed to protect the innocent, spelling and grammar hasn't.

Anoymous writes:
I am very curious,can you please give me some advice

Evil Becky replies:
Wow, long email. You don't seem to have written about what you want advice on, so I'll just give you some snippets of general advice

1. Don't eat yellow snow (everyone should know this one by now.)
2. Always use gloves when working with acids.
3. Wasps don't make good pets.

I hope this helps.

Taxinor writes:
When do i get my licence please let me know can you send it to me asap hope to heree from you soon.

Evil Becky replies:
I'm sorry but the people at the TVEE licencing people have decided that you're not a true tranvestite. Please cease and desist from all crossdressing activities from this moment forward. Any attempt to continue girly activities may result in a prison sentence.