Conspiracy Rhymes
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's Horses,
and all the King's Men,
made it look like an accident.
Because Humpty was pregnant with the King's baby.
Hey diddle diddle,
the cat and the fiddle.
The cow didn't jump over the moon.
It was all faked in a studio,
to get one up on the commies.
Who killed Cock Robin?
"I," said the Sparrow,
"with my bow and arrow."
Rather too convenient,
don't you think?
It was actually the mole,
on the grassy knoll.
Old MacDonald had a farm
E.I.E.I.O.
And on that farm he had a cow,
mutilated by aliens.
Solomon Grundy,
Born on a Monday,
Christened on Tuesday,
Married on Wednesday,
Took ill on Thursday,
Grew worse on Friday,
Faked his death on Saturday,
I saw him last Sunday,
Buying a Quarter Pounder.
Ring a ring o' roses,
a pocket full of posies.
Attishoo! Attishooo!
We all fall down.
Apart from the Illuminati,
who have all been vaccinated.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's Horses,
and all the King's Men,
made it look like an accident.
Because Humpty was pregnant with the King's baby.
Hey diddle diddle,
the cat and the fiddle.
The cow didn't jump over the moon.
It was all faked in a studio,
to get one up on the commies.
Who killed Cock Robin?
"I," said the Sparrow,
"with my bow and arrow."
Rather too convenient,
don't you think?
It was actually the mole,
on the grassy knoll.
Old MacDonald had a farm
E.I.E.I.O.
And on that farm he had a cow,
mutilated by aliens.
Solomon Grundy,
Born on a Monday,
Christened on Tuesday,
Married on Wednesday,
Took ill on Thursday,
Grew worse on Friday,
Faked his death on Saturday,
I saw him last Sunday,
Buying a Quarter Pounder.
Ring a ring o' roses,
a pocket full of posies.
Attishoo! Attishooo!
We all fall down.
Apart from the Illuminati,
who have all been vaccinated.
Labels: frivolity
Crawled up the water spout
Down came the Law
And flushed the low down, burgling spider out.
You know you could ruin childrens whole out look on life with these don't you ?
Do you want to illustrate the book? I had visions of a Plutos-esque scene of a cow being hoisted by ropes above a moon for the Fake Cow Jumping. :-)
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill used the distraction to add mind-controlling fluoride to the well.
Here is the church, and here is the steeple
Open the door and see all the people.
Here is the parson going upstairs,
To suppress evidence proving the existence of the Priory of Sion
Yep. Definitely harder than it looks.
A-I-E-U-X
Little Jack Horner
Sat in the corner
plotting hideous acts against the state
Mary Mary quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells
and a highly dangerous cocktail of organophosphates
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Probably a spy satellite watching our movements 24-7
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down
Grabbed Jill as went
Jack was alright
But they found Jill at the bottom of the quarry 3 days later
...............................
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor doggy a bone
When she got there
The cupboard was bare
What a shameful indictment of our care of the elderly.
..................................
Comrade Simon
Met a pieman
On his way to Red Square
Said Comrade Simon
To the pieman
"Let me taste of your fare"
So the pieman
To Comrade Simon
Said "Why should I give you a feed?"
"Because from each according to his ability
And to each according to his need"
Sat on her Tuffet
Eating curds & whey.
When Down came a spider
and sat down beside her
and asked her to consider the vast amount of calories & saturated fats she was stuffing away.
I lost control of the rhythmic device somewhere there.
Some of these possibly are worth illustrating. :O)
...youve just got to like Pandoras effort :O)
lol. I can see the spider looking something like Gillian McKeith in that one...
As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with 7 wives.
So I reported him for bigamy
bloody scrounger....
Rub a Dub Dub
Three men in a tub
but luckily the Navy intercepted them
before they could claim asylum.
not in the same vein with the cutting last line but:
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch poor Rover a bone
When she bent over old Rover took over
And slipped her a bone of his own.
da da tish.
Rub-a-dub-dub
Three men in a tub
And who do you think they be?
The butcher, the baker
And a third one to watch the dangerous intellectuals.
xx
Shepherd's delight.
Red sky in the morning?
Was definitely not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.
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